Silenced
by BettyHT
Summary: Adam is 25 and facing a major crisis in his life. The situation gets more and more dire until he is gone. His family never loses hope that he will return, but the Adam who comes back is not at all like the one who left. Hoss is 19 and Little Joe is 13 at the beginning of this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Little Joe, did you use my pistol?" Adam stood with his left hand on his hip and his right hand holding his pistol like it was an alien thing. It had just gone off in his hand when he had picked it up. It left a hole in the floor about which Hop Sing would have plenty to say, but luckily it had not put a hole in Hoss or their father who had been strapping on their gunbelts about to head out for a day's work. Little Joe had looked shocked but guilty when Adam exclaimed that the never left a bullet chambered in his pistol nor did he ever cock his pistol before holstering it. It was too dangerous as had just been demonstrated. He had seen the look on Little Joe's face and immediately suspected his youngest brother.

"Why are you asking me? You're the one who just shot a hole in the floor."

"That didn't answer my question. Did you use my pistol without permission and without supervision?" Adam advanced toward Little Joe who retreated toward the fireplace in the face of his angry oldest brother.

"I don't have to answer any of your questions. You're not my father." Little Joe had that impudent sneer that he had perfected for speaking with Adam.

"Oh, but I am, Joseph, and I want to hear your answer to Adam's question, and I want to hear it now!" Ben had seen the looks that Little Joe had when confronted by Adam, and suspected as Adam did that Little Joe had used the pistol without asking.

"I was just practicing a fast draw. I didn't shoot it or nothing."

Ben grabbed Adam's arm as his oldest son was about to explode in a tirade because of what could have happened but didn't. "I'll handle this." Turning to his youngest son, Ben had that fierce angry look that he had when his eyebrows lowered and got closer together and his lips were squeezed tightly shut when he wasn't speaking or yelling as in this case. "You left a shell chambered in Adam's pistol. That is a very dangerous thing to do. Now I have to punish you because you cannot do something like that and not be punished. While we are on the roundup and then the branding, you will clean the stable every day. In addition, you will clean out the chicken coop and fill the nesting boxes with clean straw. You will clean out the pigsty and put fresh sand in it. You will pull any weeds in the garden, and do any other chores that Hop Sing decides need to be done. You will not participate in the roundup or in the branding. Cochise will remain in the corral except when one of the hands rides him."

"That's not fair."

"Oh, so that's not fair. You and I will have a necessary discussion in the stable about your attitude if you say one more thing. Now, do I make myself clear?"

Nodding, Little Joe looked with hostility at Adam. Ben wasn't done though. "You will answer my question."

"Yes sir, very clear. But why do I get punished for that, but Adam does all sorts of stuff with Annabelle Jenks, and you don't say anything to him?"

"Adam is not the subject now." Ben was clearly a bit flustered though as he wondered what Little Joe meant. Little Joe saw his opening and pounced.

"At the last party, I saw him kissing her out back. He put his hand inside her dress. She said he should stop it, but then she laughed, and they kissed some more."

"Little Joe, no more talk like that. Now we have to leave, and you have plenty of work to do." Ben turned to leave cringing inside as he realized he would have to confront Adam about what Little Joe had said. They had been getting along much better for the previous months as Ben left Adam do what he wanted in his private time and listening to him about his ideas for improving the ranch. He and Hoss had come up with a method of stockpiling enough hay to make the winters less costly in terms of loss. Now the two of them were working on a scheme to prevent some flooding in one of the lower pastures so that it would be more lush in the spring when they needed it the most. He hated the thought of being at odds with him again.

Adam was shocked that Little Joe had been spying on him and now had told his father what he had seen as well as embellishing it somewhat. He knew his father would say something, and he was at a loss as to what he could say. He couldn't lie, and yet with what Little Joe had said, there was no way that he could see to keep his activity with the young lady private. All he could hope was that his father didn't ask too many questions. He hoped in vain.

"I don't suppose Joseph was able to conjure up that whole scene that he described?" Ben was riding with his sons. Adam and Hoss had hung back just a bit, but Ben had motioned them forward. It was time to confront this directly. "His imagination is quite active, but that's a lot for a thirteen-year-old to imagine."

"It is." Adam kept any other thoughts to himself for the time being. He hoped his father wouldn't try to delve too deeply into his personal life.

"She's a very nice girl from a very nice family. If what Joseph said is true, you need to marry her or walk away before things get any more intense."

"Pa, I don't want to marry her. Little Joe saw what he thought he saw but it wasn't what he thought. Please, let me handle my life. I'm twenty-five years old. I think I can manage."

"That is hardly an answer. I want to know what you are going to do about this situation."

As often with his father, Adam found his temper and temperature both rising rapidly. Hoss had some idea of why Adam didn't want to talk about it and tried to deflect his father's interest. "Pa, maybe this isn't the time and place to talk about this."

"So, it's the two of you again. Tarnation, I wish you would talk to me on occasion instead of to each other. Now what's gone on here that I don't know."

"Pa, just drop it, all right. It's over. I won't see her any more. It was only at that party so other than Little Joe, no one thinks anything happened."

"I'm not going to find her father at the door with a shotgun, am I?"

"No, absolutely not, and if he shows up with a shotgun, I'll ask him to shoot me right there and put me out of my misery. Now, we have some work to do today, and I plan on riding too fast for any more conversation." He kicked Sport into a gallop and quickly outdistanced his father and brother. There was no point in them chasing after him because neither Buck nor Chubb could match the speed of the energetic chestnut.

"You going to tell me to drop it, too?"

"Pa, Adam didn't do nothing wrong. That Annabelle's been chasing after him, and she took some liberties. All Adam did was to try to let her down easy. It ain't at all how Little Joe thinks it was. Trust me on that, please, and let Adam handle it?"

"Adam didn't take any liberties with that young lady?"

"Pa, she ain't much of a lady even if she's young. Adam's hand was being guided, you could say, and considering where her hand had been, it was the lesser of the two evils."

"So you think it best if I drop this whole topic?"

"Yep, he's dropped her like a hot potato that she is, and he won't ever be near her again if he can help it."

"I suppose I embarrassed him and made him upset just by asking?"

"Yup. Best to let it go."

"Thank you, Hoss. I feel better about it. You can tell your brother, it's all settled as far as I'm concerned."

"Pa, I got another question." Ben waited wondering what it could be. "Does it bother you that Adam talks with me instead of you about these things?"

Thoughtful for a moment, Ben had to be truthful. "It does. I wish he would talk with me, but I understand why he doesn't. I'm sure you're a more sympathetic ear than I am sometimes. Adam trusts you, and I'm glad he's got someone to talk with when he's troubled. He's never been one to share his thoughts and feelings very easily especially with me." Seeing Hoss' look, Ben added more. "Yes, I know why. We are too much alike: stubborn, proud, and prone to anger easily, but I hope you both know, I love both of you as much as any father could, and I would do anything for you."

"We know that, Pa. Now we better get a move on, or Adam's gonna be wondering if he's the only one in the family working out here today."

Nodding, Ben kicked Buck into a faster pace. The rest of the week proceeded normally although Little Joe continued to be sullen because of the punishment he had received. He tried to enlist Hoss' support in a quest for leniency but failed. He continued to blame Adam for his troubles.

On Saturday, there was a knock on the door. Little Joe answered to find a young man from town with a letter.

"I got paid by Annabelle Jenks to deliver this to Adam. Is he here?"

"No, but he'll be back soon. I'll give it to him."

Once the young man left, Little Joe opened the envelope to find what was, in effect, a love letter and an invitation. He left the letter on his father's desk without the envelope, which he crumpled up and put in the fireplace. He could tell them that the letter was delivered to Adam and not mention the envelope at all. Best of all, his father was just outside checking out the footings for the smokehouse addition that Hoss and Adam had spent some time preparing and would likely see the letter sooner than Adam. Little Joe looked forward to some fireworks then because he had heard that Adam had denied anything happened and that he had no intention of seeing Annabelle again. The contents of that letter made all of that to appear to be false. Everything worked much as Little Joe anticipated until Adam got a chance to reply to his father's question about the letter.

"First of all, I'm surprised you read it because it was addressed to me. Second and far more importantly, I never declared my love for Annabelle Jenks. I did everything to avoid her, and when that didn't work, I walked outside with her to try to explain I had no feelings for her, and she basically mauled me. I will not be accepting her invitation to see her Saturday night, and I probably shouldn't even reply to this."

"But, Adam, won't that hurt her feelings?"

"Pa, she's crazy. I don't know any other way to describe it. She tells me things that supposedly I said when I was with her, and I've never been with her. I want to stay as far away from her as possible."

"Perhaps, I should send her a message declining for you and saying you're much too busy?"

"No, please, don't do anything. No matter what you do, she'll misinterpret it. I can't wait to go on this cattle drive and be away from her for six weeks."

"If you think ignoring it is best, then that's what we all should do, although we're bound to see them at church on Sunday. I hope there won't be a scene there."

"Maybe I'll skip church. That way she can't get any more crazy ideas about being with me."

"Although I hate to agree with you on that, missing church services does seem like a good alternative. Then you won't be back there for six or seven weeks. Perhaps her infatuation with you will be gone by then."

"When you're in church tomorrow, it couldn't hurt to ask for a little help in that regard."

Smiling, Ben slapped Adam on the shoulder and headed to the dining table after reminding his sons to wash up before dinner. Unfortunately the conversation had given Little Joe an idea for making more trouble for Adam. As long as he was being punished, Little Joe thought causing a little suffering for Adam was only just. That night he composed a lengthy love letter to Annabelle. He did his best to mimic Adam's penmanship, but also said in the letter that he had hurt his hand and wrist while working. Joe put the letter in an envelope and then put it in the pocket of his Sunday jacket. He would deliver it to Annabelle at church when she was looking for Adam. He could explain that Adam told him to deliver it. He grinned then and went to bed envisioning how miserable Annabelle was likely to make his oldest brother.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I did not write a love letter to Annabelle Jenks. I was not her lover nor was I courting her. It was all her fantasy. I didn't kill her. I found her with a knife in her stomach. I pulled it out and was checking her to see if I should take her to the doctor when her father came home. Unfortunately she was already dead. That's the whole story."

"Adam, I got your letter to her, and I got her diary. Her father gave em to me. It's got all sorts of details about the two of you meeting secretly. Now how can you say you wasn't seeing her?"

"Roy, it was her fantasy. I never wrote a letter to her. I did my best to stay away from her, but she only chased after me harder. I tried ignoring her, but then tonight I got a note that said she would do something drastic to herself if I didn't come to see her. I didn't want her to hurt herself, so I came into town to try to get things straightened out. I thought her father would be there."

"Her father said you had arranged to see her at her home and he left to give you some privacy. He was under the impression you were going to ask her to marry you."

"Marry? No, absolutely not. I went there only to try to get her so see reason and stop making up these stories about me."

"Her father said he found you stabbing her, and fought you to defend her."

"She was already dead. When I removed the knife, there was no bleeding, and I couldn't find a heartbeat. He came at me screaming that I had killed her, and I had to defend myself. More people came in with all the noise, and that's when he told them I killed her and he saw me do it. That's a lie, because I didn't stab her."

"Adam, I'm sorry, but with a witness against ya, that letter, and the diary, well I gotta lock you up. I have to charge you with murder. Now I know you didn't, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I let you go now. You're probably safer in here anyway with the mood of people out there tonight. I sent Clem to talk to your family. I expect you'll see your pa and maybe your brothers soon."

Reluctantly, Adam walked into the cell area with Roy. He moved into the cell Roy pointed out and stood there for a moment without turning around. Roy said something to him but he couldn't recall what it was just seconds later. He instead was thinking of how his life had spiraled down into disaster in just a few short hours.

Early that Saturday afternoon, Annabelle had sent another note to Adam. She made reference to the letter he had sent professing his love, and she also asked in the letter if his hand and wrist were healed. There was a sad face drawn there in the letter as well as an x through the words hand and wrist, and then she said she wanted to see him at six that evening. None of it made any sense to him, but he had gone to town to see her and her father. He wanted to stop the nonsense once and for all as he told his father before he left. When he got to her home, he found that she had left the front door open. That seemed quite odd. When he knocked and stepped inside calling for her and for her father, he noticed a smell that he recognized. He had smelled it before. It was the unmistakable odor of death as a result of blood and elimination. It was a gruesome smell. He pulled his pistol and walked toward the stairs for the smell was wafting down the steps. He slowly climbed the steps and found a bedroom door open and well lit. On the bed was Annabelle with a knife protruding from her abdomen just below the sternum. Her face was set in a horrible rictus, but after putting his pistol back in his holster, Adam had gone to her, removed the knife, and placed his hand over her chest. There had been no heartbeat, and the blood had not yet congealed so death had occurred shortly before he got there. Then her father had stormed into the room, screamed at him, and attacked him. Soon there were others there and based on Gerard Jenks' claim that Adam had stabbed his daughter, several men subdued Adam and dragged him to the jail. They had not been kind on the way. He was sure he had some cracked ribs, and he still was using his handkerchief to dab at blood on his face. He supposed he was lucky they hadn't decided to just lynch him for what they thought he had done. Finally he turned and sat on the cot. There wasn't much else he could do.

About two hours later, Ben arrived at the jail after having heard what had happened to Adam. To have made the ride in the dark showed how concerned he was about what had happened. He had left Hoss home to watch over Little Joe who had been unusually subdued as Clem talked. As Ben talked to Adam to find out what had happened, Little Joe was talking with Hoss.

"Hoss, is Adam in big trouble?"

"Now don't you worry yourself none about that. Pa will take care of things."

"No, Hoss, you don't understand. It's all my fault."

"How could Annabelle Jenks being murdered be your fault?"

"No, Adam being there and in trouble is my fault."

"Now, Little Joe how could that be your fault?" Even as Hoss asked the question, he could see how worried Little Joe was. "Little Joe, what did you do? Tell me!"

"Last Sunday, I gave a love letter to Annabelle Jenks from Adam, except it wasn't from Adam. I wrote it and signed his name."

"Dadburnit, Little Joe, you know how much trouble that woman was giving Adam. How could you do something so dadblamed stupid?"

"I was mad. I was in a lot of trouble because Adam knew I was the one that used his pistol and didn't put it away right. Well I figured out that it was all my fault as I was talking to some people at school about it. They said I got off easy, and I should be thanking somebody that I wasn't tanned so bad I couldn't sit for a week. I knew I had just been being mean so I decided to fix it. So I wrote a letter to Annabelle and told her what I done. In the letter, I told her that Adam never wanted to see her, and I had made up the whole love letter thing. I dropped the letter off before I came home from school on Thursday."

"I don't know what that might have to do with what happened. Maybe it didn't have nothing to do with it, but you gotta tell Pa, and you gotta tell Adam and tell both of them how sorry you are."

"Pa's really gonna tan me for this one, ain't he?"

"I tell you what, Little Joe. If he doesn't, I will. I ain't never heard nothing as nasty as that for one brother to do to another. You did all the wrong, but you blamed Adam and did your best to get him in a mess, and maybe it did have something to do with what happened. I don't know, but you better pray real hard tonight that it didn't."

Little Joe started to cry then, but Hoss walked away. Hop Sing was standing by the dining table, and it was clear he had heard everything or at least enough. Hoss turned to Little Joe and told him to go up to his room. "And you better stay there. You're in enough trouble already so don't make it any worse by sneaking out."

In town, Ben sat with Adam. The lantern in the back threw the shadow of the bars across them, and each time Ben looked at his oldest son, those shadows seemed to be darker and more ominous. He knew Adam was innocent, but the evidence against him was so strong, and there were no other suspects. Adam had no alibi and no witnesses on his behalf. The knife was identified as having come from the Jenks kitchen. As soon as the sun rose, Ben planned to go see their lawyer and get someone hired to handle Adam's defense because at this point, it was clear there was going to be a trial.

"I'm sorry, Pa."

"What do you have to be sorry about? You didn't do anything wrong."

"No, but now I'm in this big mess just before the drive, and I'm leaving you shorthanded. There's not much I can do about it, but I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that too without my help."

"Don't worry about things like that. We have to worry about what's going to happen with a trial. There's so much evidence against you, I don't know what a lawyer is going to be able to do."

"Do you think I'm going to be convicted then?"

"No, Lord, no, that just can't happen. No, we'll get the best lawyers we can find. They'll find a way to defend you against these charges. They have to. But right now you should get some rest. Doctor Martin said you've got some cracked ribs and your kidneys took a beating too. You should try to get some sleep."

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep."

"Well, I'm going home to tell Hoss and Little Joe what's happened, and then I'll be back when I can talk to our lawyer and get someone hired to handle your defense. Try to sleep while I'm gone."

"You should get some sleep too, Pa."

"We'll come back in the carriage. I'll get some sleep then." Ben called for Roy then, and it was clear the sheriff had been sleeping. It took him some time to answer, and when he did, he looked rumpled and disheveled. He didn't normally sleep in his office, but he had stayed because Ben was there and Adam was in a cell. He didn't think it was right for him to leave with his friends in such dire straits.

"Ben, if there's anything I can do, you just let me know. I hated to have to lock up your boy, but I had no choice."

Biting back a retort, Ben kept calm. "I know, Roy. It's just so frustrating. We have to find some way to defend Adam against these ridiculous charges. There has to be some evidence to support his story."

"We'll keep looking, Ben, but it don't look good right now."

"I know. I'll be back later. I hope Adam can get some sleep. He's exhausted and in pain, but he's so worried and upset, he may not be able to get any rest."

Ben left then, but when he got home, all thoughts of rest for him disappeared when he heard what Little Joe had done. "You will go to your room. You will stay there except to go to the stable to clean it out this morning. Then you will spend the rest of the day in your room. Hop Sing will bring you a meal. You and I will have that necessary talk in the stable when I come home. I'm afraid to do it now because I am so angry with you. Your mean, spiteful act has landed your brother in jail facing a murder charge." Seeing the expression on Little Joe's face, Ben didn't soften his approach. "It doesn't matter that you tried to fix it. The damage was already done. Adam warned me that by being lenient with you, I was creating a situation in which we would all pay for your immature and irresponsible behavior. He was right, and I was wrong. I will do what I can now to rectify that mistake, but I'm afraid my failure to discipline you as strongly as I should have has put Adam in harm's way."

Dismissing his youngest son, Ben went to talk with Hop Sing as Little Joe retreated up the stairs. Hoss went to get a shirt and shaving kit for Adam as well as a couple of his favorite books. He took the two that were on his bedside table assuming correctly that he had been reading those recently. Little Joe stood in the open doorway of his room as Hoss was leaving.

"Hoss, what if they find Adam guilty? What will they do to him?"

"Well, it's usually life in prison or hanging. Because it's a gal, it'll be hanging." Little Joe started to cry again. "Stop crying for yourself, and start praying for Adam. He's the one who needs our concern right now." Hoss walked away, and for the first time in his life, he felt no desire to comfort his younger brother. Hoss thought that what Little Joe had done had crossed the line. His concern now was Adam, and he wondered what else he could bring that might help his brother feel a little bit better if that was even possible when sitting in a jail cell accused of a murder you didn't commit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When Ben consulted with their lawyer the next morning, he had a recommendation for an attorney who was new in town but experienced in criminal defense. "Ben, I've done a few cases but you need the best for this. Hire Arthur Canton. He knows what to do. I can walk over to his house with you in case he wants any information from me about Adam. I can swear to Art that I know Adam didn't do this. Art would never ask, but he'll fight even harder knowing Adam is innocent."

The first recommendation that Art had was that Ben agree to pay for people to investigate to try to find any information that might be helpful. Ben agreed, and then he told Art about Little Joe's shenanigans that had helped create the situation.

"We'll have to have him testify to that. We'll also need the note that Adam received inviting him to the house."

"I'm not sure Adam still has that note. He was very upset when he received it. He said he wanted to go to see her and end the nonsense once and for all."

"Mr. Cartwright, please do not repeat that to anyone. You could be called as a witness against your son."

"But he meant he wanted to talk to her and her father so she would stop chasing after him like she was."

"Yes, that's your version, but the prosecution could use that as evidence to show premeditation and a deliberate act. Have you told anyone else what he said?"

With a sinking heart, Ben knew he had made a huge blunder. "I told Roy Coffee. We were talking about what had happened, and I told him what happened at our house yesterday afternoon. Oh, my God, I may have hurt Adam even worse than what Little Joe did. Surely though, having Little Joe testify that he wrote that letter and then wrote a letter explaining that it was not Adam who wrote the love letter will help his case?"

"Adam's witnesses are his brother and his father. I'm afraid the jury isn't likely to put as much faith in your testimony as in Mr. Jenks who claims he saw Adam stab his daughter. To be brutally honest with you, a young woman is dead and the jury is going to want to see someone pay the price for that. Unless we can come up with a viable alternative, they are going to want to convict your son. That's why we have to start investigating this situation as soon as possible. If you have any strings you can pull to delay a trial, it would certainly help. We need time to build a defense."

Unfortunately Ben was only able to delay the trial for one day. By Tuesday, they would need to be ready to proceed. The circuit judge was in town, which was bad luck for them as far as scheduling and preparing a case. There was a death, evidence, and the defendant in jail. The judge did not see a reason to delay the inevitable. Gerard Jenks was the main prosecution witness. As he described finding his daughter stabbed and Adam there with her, tears rolled down his cheeks. The spectators as well as the jury were moved so much that many could not look at him directly as he testified. Adam put his head down as he sat next to his lawyer with his family sitting directly behind him. The damning words were making a huge impression on the jury. Women were held in high esteem in the whole of Nevada especially because there were so few compared to the men. To have one of those women so brutally slain was, in their eyes, the worst of crimes that could be committed. There were many dark looks thrown in Adam's direction. He had not loved Annabelle and yet felt great pain knowing how brutally she had died.

The next witness was Roy who unfortunately did mention what Ben had said about Adam wanting to end the nonsense once and for all. Adam's lawyer objected to the information as hearsay. The objection was sustained, but the jury had heard the damming words of Adam's father. The diary was produced as well as the love letter purportedly from Adam. Art was able to shed doubt on Adam as the author of that letter by using Little Joe as a witness to the contents of the letter and comparing the handwriting. However the prosecution pointed out that Little Joe was Adam's brother and highly motivated to help him. They also said that in the letter itself, it said Adam's hand and wrist were injured which was explanation of why the handwriting would not match Adam's exactly.

Finally the defense had their chance. Adam was their only stab at explaining what had happened. He told of how Annabelle had chased after him until finally he wanted to talk with her and her father to stop it, but that when he got to their home, the door was open. He told how he smelled what he knew was likely someone who had died. He said he pulled the knife from her and checked for a heartbeat, and how that was the moment that Gerard showed up to accuse him of the crime. The defense had hoped to point at Gerard as a possible suspect but his alibi was airtight. When the prosecution cross-examined Adam, they got him to admit he was angry with Annabelle and wanted to end any contact. Then they sealed their case by getting Adam to admit more.

"Did you hear anyone when you got to the Jenks house?"

"No."

"Did you see anyone in, near, or leaving the Jenks house?"

"No."

"So someone killed Annabelle Jenks perhaps only seconds before you got there, but somehow miraculously escaped and no one saw or heard anything?"

"I can't explain it, but it's the truth."

It took the jury only one hour to deliver a verdict. The cynical among the spectators complained that it only took that long because the jury wanted to order dinner. That and one dollar was all they would get for serving on this jury. When the judge asked them if they had reached their verdict, the foreman stood and said they had.

"What say you to the charge of murder?"

"We say guilty, Your Honor."

"No, my brother didn't murder anybody! Are you people crazy?" Little Joe had to be forcibly restrained by his father. Hoss dropped his head after reaching forward to place a hand on Adam's shoulder.

"The defendant will please stand." Adam stood with his lawyer by his side as Hoss' hand dropped from his shoulder as he rose. "In accordance with the law and the verdict of this jury, you will be punished for the crime of murder. I sentence you to hang by the neck until dead. Sentence is to be carried out tomorrow at noon."

Feeling his insides clench, Adam's heart rate soared and his knees felt weak. He found it so hard to accept that an innocent man could end up convicted and sentenced to death. He had put his faith in his family and in the system, and they had failed him. He heard his lawyer talking but wasn't even sure what the words meant in his shocked state. He didn't think he could make a coherent sentence if someone asked him a question.

"Your Honor, I request a stay so that I may prepare and deliver an appeal of the verdict and the sentence."

"Very well, you have one day. Sentence will be carried out in two days time at noon. Sheriff, see to the prisoner and make arrangements for a gallows to be constructed for the purpose of this sentence."

Hoss and Little Joe accompanied Ben as he trailed Roy and Adam through the crowd outside the courtroom. There were epithets tossed out repeatedly until Roy yelled that the crowd needed to disperse before he was forced to start citing people for disorderly conduct. They held their tongues then but the animosity was palpable. Adam tried to walk with his head up, but he was in shock. Art had warned him that the verdict might very well be against him, but somehow he had trusted the justice system to get it right. It didn't happen, and now he thought about the forty-four hours he had left to live. He was wondering what meaningful thing you can possibly do from a jail cell in that time. After he locked Adam in his cell, Roy reached through the bars and removed the manacles from Adam's wrists and left the family alone retreating to his office and closing the door behind him. The gunbelts of Hoss and Ben were on his desk. He sat and stared at them wondering too what he could do. He would not go hire men to build the gallows until the next day. Adam would have one night without that hammering and without that vision in the yard behind the jail.

Dinner was delivered, and Roy took it back to Adam. He hadn't eaten more than a piece of toast or piece of bread since he had first been locked up. He drank coffee and water but ate nothing most of the time.

"You should eat, Adam. You ain't ate a meal since you got here."

"Why, Roy? Are you afraid I'm going to starve to death in here? Well, don't worry. I won't be here long enough for that to happen."

"Son, Roy is just trying to do what he can."

"I know, and I'm sorry for being rude, but Pa, if I ate anything, it wouldn't stay down long. My insides are a mess."

"We'll just visit with you then. How about some coffee?"

"Pa, what did Art mean about an appeal?"

"I have to be honest with you, son. It was just to buy some time. We hired men to investigate, and we hope they can come up with something to change the verdict. We were hoping for more time, but I think the judge saw right through what we were trying to do."

"So my only hope is that someone can find some nonexistent evidence to stop me from swinging from a rope two days from now?"

Hoss dropped his head and Little Joe started crying again with that statement. Hoss felt helpless and Little Joe was carrying a load of guilt. A protector to the end, Adam reached out to his brothers.

"Hoss, you know you have to take care of everyone now. You think you can fill my shoes? Of course you can. You can fill them and then some. Now look me in the eye and tell me you will be the man I know you can be."

Hoss did just that because he would do anything that Adam asked. He rather hoped Adam would ask him to break him out of jail. He would do that too. Instead Adam read him like a book.

"You will do nothing to break the law, Hoss. I'm here, and the last thing in the world I want is to see you here with me." Looking at Little Joe's body bent over and still shaking with sobs, Adam's heart broke. "Little Joe, I don't blame you. What you did was nasty, but the evidence that got me convicted was Gerard Jenks saying he saw me stab his daughter. He lied, but there is no way that anyone will believe that. Everything you did would never have gotten me here. It's not your fault."

Little Joe nodded, but he didn't believe it. In his mind, he had caused this, and Adam was going to hang because he had been a brat. He couldn't believe that he had done the things he had done. He swore to himself that he would think of consequences in the future before he did anything, but for now, it was difficult to even think of a future because Adam wouldn't be in it unless some kind of miracle occurred.

"Adam, we're going to take a room at the hotel tonight. If you need anything, that's where we'll be. Tomorrow I have to go to Carson on business, but I'll be back by tomorrow night. Remember that Art and the men he hired are still working. Don't give up hope. We'll find something to get you out of here."

Ben ushered Hoss and Little Joe out then. He hoped he could settle them in a room and come back, but ended up spending so much time talking with the family lawyer and with Art that it got too late to go back to the jail. He planned to stop in the next morning before he left to see how Adam was doing. He could hear the noise from the saloons as he walked from the lawyer's office back to the hotel after eleven. About an hour later, there was a crowd outside Adam's cell window taunting him and calling him every name the men there could think to call him. Finally, Roy and Clem went out to disperse the crowd. It was the opening for which Gerard Jenks had been waiting. He moved quietly into the jail and back to the cell area where he found Adam sitting with his head in his hands.

"I ain't gonna wait and let your pa and them lawyers come up with some trick for you to get away with what you done to my daughter."

Slowly raising his head at the angry man, Adam saw a pistol aimed at his chest through the bars. There was nothing he could do so he sat and waited for the shot that would end his life even sooner than the noose. It didn't happen. Clem came in and rushed Gerard bending him forward so that the gun was pointed at the floor. Then he wrested control of the weapon away from him. Roy came in then as angry as Adam had ever seen him.

"Gerard, I ought to lock you up for that fool stunt. But it wouldn't be fair to either of you to keep you right next to each other now so I'm gonna send you on your way. But if you leave your house tonight, and I see you, I'm gonna handcuff you to the post right out front, and don't you think I won't."

Clem moved Gerard forcibly to the door of the jail, and sent him on his way without his weapon. Then he locked the door and barred it. The crowd they had dispersed was in a foul mood, and it was possible they hadn't seen the last of them. He and Roy planned to spend the night in the jail. Roy asked Adam if there was anything he wanted.

"A key to this cell and a fast horse would be appreciated."

Shaking his head, Roy walked back into the office. Adam picked at his food and ate a little. Then he drank some water and lay down to try to get some sleep. He hadn't slept at all since being locked up so he thought that sheer exhaustion might let him drift away for at least a little while. He was awakened a few hours later by terrible cramps in his belly. He knew what it meant and called for Roy or Clem.

"I need to go to the necessary again."

Clem went to get the manacles that were required by procedure whenever a prisoner was taken from the cell. He told Roy what he was doing. Once Adam had the manacles attached, Clem opened the cell door and walked him out back to the necessary. Adam couldn't help but think that in a day and a half, there would be a gallows right in that spot, and he would be swinging from a rope on it until dead. With that sober thought, he went inside the necessary to try to relieve the cramps that made him even more miserable. Any food he ate was going right through him. He was thirsty all the time. Doctor Martin had suggested a bland diet and lots of fluids. Adam had shaken his head when the doctor told him that. Everyone seemed so concerned about his health, and it wouldn't make any difference at all very soon. He understood that they were trying to be kind, but it was getting rather irritating. Once he was able to get his pants back up hampered as he was by the manacles, Clem walked him back inside, locked the cell door, and then reached through to remove the manacles. As he did that, Adam got an idea for the next night. He had all day to think about it and plan. He was starting to believe that he was the only one who could do anything to get him out of this mess.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

In the morning, Ben stopped in to see how Adam was doing. He was concerned by Adam's appearance. He hadn't shaved, looked exhausted, and was very pale. His breakfast sat on a small table, and clearly he hadn't eaten much.

"Son, you need to eat to keep your strength up."

"Why? It doesn't take much energy to drop through a trapdoor and swing on a rope. I'm just hoping I don't fill my drawers when it happens."

Shocked to hear his son talk that way, Ben also got a bit angry at his defeatist attitude. "I'm doing what I can to see that doesn't happen. There's just so much evidence against you that it's been difficult. By tonight, I hope we will have enough to delay things more so we can keep working on your case. You need to take care of yourself though. I can't do that for you."

Chagrined that he had upset his father so much, Adam apologized, but after Ben bid him goodbye and promised to see him that night, Adam began thinking about what his father had said. His father had said there was so much evidence against him. Adam wondered if that meant his father harbored some doubts as to his innocence. Then he thought that perhaps his father was only trying to help because it was what a father did, not because he truly thought that he was innocent. Sitting on the cot with only a blanket for comfort, he knew he was slipping into a depression that colored every thought he had, but for the most part, he accepted that was his lot for now.

Hoss sat with Little Joe in their room at the hotel until nearly noon. Then as their father had instructed, they headed to the jail to visit with Adam and keep him company. They found him very depressed and worried. Again he warned Hoss not to do anything illegal.

"Pa can't lose two sons. It would kill him. He's already lost three wives, Hoss. Don't do that to him. Promise me, you won't try anything?"

"All right, Adam, I will, but dadburnit, you know what you're asking, don't you. How am I going to be able to live with this? It's gonna kill Pa, and Little Joe can hardly even talk now. It's so wrong."

"It is wrong, but there's nothing for you to do. Pa said he's working on it, and the lawyers are still working. I got a day left. Maybe there will be a miracle."

Hoss wanted to tell Adam what Ben was hoping to achieve, but he had been instructed not to tell so he kept it to himself. Little Joe didn't know why their father was gone. He had been told to trust the people in charge and not do anything. Considering the guilt he felt, he was doing as he was told but not liking it. He tried to talk about things to get Adam's mind off what was happening to him, but it was clear that even the smiles Adam had for Hoss' stories did not alleviate the stress. Finally, Adam's dinner arrived, and Hoss and Little Joe left to get some dinner themselves.

At the same time, Ben was on his way back with a clemency order commuting Adam's sentence from death by hanging to life in prison. Ben hoped it would be all they needed to have the time to prove Adam was innocent although he did know that unless there was a break soon in the case, Adam would spend some time locked up. It had taken the whole day to get the order, and he had to ride slowly as dusk descended and finally realized it wasn't safe to travel at all. If Buck got hurt, he might not get to Virginia City in time to stop the hanging, so he had to go slowly. He made a camp and waited without sleeping for dawn to give him enough light to travel.

In town that evening, a young man stopped at the Jenks house. He saw a light on and took a deep breath before walking up to the front porch with his rehearsed speech. He knocked and waited for Mr. Jenks to appear. He had been briefed on his appearance so that he would know he was talking to the correct person.

"Mr. Jenks, I'm Lemuel Spence. You may not remember me, but I went to school with your daughter for a year before my family moved to California. Sir, I really liked your daughter, and I think she liked me as well. Well, to get to the point, sir, I've moved back to town and my first thought was to come by here to see if you would allow me to call on your lovely daughter."

Gerard stood as if in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Despite the lack of females in the region, it was rare for any man to come calling on his daughter. She had never seemed to hold the interest of any man who got to know her. Now that she was dead, here was this handsome well-spoken young man who wanted to call on her. "I'm sorry. My daughter has died."

"Oh, my God, no. How could that have happened to such a lovely young woman?"

"Killed! She was killed. Come in, please. I was about to have a drink, and it looks like you could use one as much as I could."

"Yes, sir, I will, sir. Please, I could use that drink." And Lem entered the home as his employer watched from across the street. Step one was completed. Now they had to see if Lem could get Gerard to explain why he had lied. It was inexplicable. He should want the murderer of his daughter to be punished and yet had lied to say an innocent man had done it. Art suspected that perhaps Gerard had done it himself, but they would have to wait to see what his young protégé could find out.

Many drinks later, Lem was starting to get an idea of what had happened. He did his best not to drink too much so that his senses and his memory were still working well. "So you think she killed herself? How could a young woman do something like that?"

Leaning forward and with a conspiratorial whisper, Gerard explained. "She left a note. I found it in my pocket when I was at the restaurant. She stuck it in my jacket pocket. When I went to get my wallet to pay for dinner, I found it. I ran home, but it was too late. She had already done it."

"What do you mean, she did it? What did she do?"

Whispering even softer, Gerard made his admission. "She killed herself. She sent a note to that Cartwright bastard so he would find her. She waited until she saw him ride into town, and then she did it so he would find her. She thought he would hate himself for what he had done. She wrote it all in the note she left me. She had it all planned out. I ran home to stop her, but she was always too smart for me. It was already done."

"But why blame Cartwright?"

"Adam Cartwright did kill her as surely as if he stuck that razor sharp knife in her himself. She always kept them knives so sharp. I told her that one day she was gonna cut herself, but she always laughed and said she knew what she was doing."

Pouring another drink for Gerard, Lem did his best to guide him back to the conversation he wanted to have with him. Finally Gerard's whisky loosened tongue went back to Adam as a topic. "All she ever wanted was to make that damn Cartwright happy. She woulda made a good wife for him too. All she ever wanted was a little happiness in this life. That cold-hearted bastard wouldn't give her anything. He made her so sad. She cried a lot over him. I bet he never shed a single tear for her."

"Do you have that note from her?" Lem's hopes had been raised that they could get this matter settled quickly.

"No, I burned it. I never wanted anyone to know about it. I want that Cartwright to hang to pay for him causing my daughter's death."

"But no one is ever going to know what he did to her before she died. Don't you think you ought to tell everyone what a nasty bastard the man is and how he had a heart of ice toward your warm sweet daughter?"

"But what if I tell them and they don't hang him then? He'll use the excuse that she pushed that knife in herself. I can't bear the thought of him walking away from this. His pa has a lot of money, you know. He could get a lawyer to use this and get that son of his out of hanging."

Lem acted as if he was thinking deeply about the problem. Then he offered a solution he hoped would work. "How about if we go tell a writer for the paper? He could write the story and it would come out right after Cartwright was hanging from that gallows. That way everybody would know they did the right thing in hanging him. Not one person would think justice wasn't served." It was almost dawn. Lem needed to get Gerard to tell this story soon.

"All right, let's go. I'll just finish this drink, and then we'll go."

"Maybe we've had enough to drink. We want to make sure we get the story straight when we talk to that writer."

"It's pretty early. You think he's there?"

"Newspaper offices always open early. They need to get the type set so they can get the paper out by the afternoon."

"You're a purty smart fella. I wish you had come back to town sooner. I really do."

"I do too. Now let's go get that story about Cartwright written." Lem helped Gerard to his feet and the two staggered to the front door: Lem because of the weight of the older man, and Gerard because of the alcohol.

While Lem had been talking to Gerard for the night, Adam had put his own plan into action. He had tricked Clem by telling him he needed to go to the necessary. He had been on his hands and knees in the cell acting as if the pains from the cramps were that severe. When Clem opened the cell, Adam reared back knocking him to the floor. He grabbed Clem's pistol and pointed it at him as he backed from the cell.

"Now, Adam, I know you won't kill me."

"No, I wouldn't, but I would shoot you. I've really got nothing left to lose, do I? I'll shoot Roy too if you call to him and get him to come through that door. Just sit down." Adam locked the cell then and ran for the back door. The workmen were there preparing to build the gallows. He saw horses tied nearby. He ran to them, untied one, and rode off as the men stood with their mouths open. Not one of them had ever expected to see what they had seen.

When Ben rode into town after dawn, he saw a group of men and horses assembling in front of the sheriff's office. He hurried there to find out what had happened.

"He escaped, Ben. I gotta go after him. Now I know how you feel, but you can ride along with us if you want."

Unable to sleep because of what Adam faced, Hoss was watching out the hotel window when he saw his father arrive. He left Little Joe sleeping in the room and rushed down the stairs to see his father. When he got there and found out what happened, he said he was going along as well. It didn't take long for Little Joe to show up too for he hadn't been sleeping but only acting that way so Hoss wouldn't worry about him too. He also wanted to go, but Ben drew the line and said no.

"Roy, I have a commutation order here reducing Adam's sentence to life in prison."

"Don't worry, Ben, we'll bring him back alive. I already told everybody in the posse that there'll be no shooting unless he shoots at us. I'm hoping that with you and Hoss along, he won't do that."

As Lem and Gerard were talking with Dan DeQuille, they saw the armed posse head out of town. Dan wanted to go find out what had happened, but the story he was hearing was too good to leave. His editor was standing behind him speechless. They not only had an amazing story that everyone would want to read, they would be able to get Adam Cartwright out of jail where they thought he still sat as they now knew, a wrongly convicted innocent man.

Only about three hours ahead of the posse, Adam had been hampered by the darkness when he first escaped and then by the horse he had taken which was not agreeable to being pushed hard. He hardly had any alternative so he kept moving forward. He thought if he could get high enough up in the big trees with all the ridges and valleys as well as canyons, he could elude almost anyone. All that time he spent with the Paiute would certainly be of help to him in surviving in the wilderness. He had no further plans at this point for he had to escape capture by the posse that he was sure would be following him. His only weapon was the pistol he had taken from Clem, and there was no canteen on the horse. He needed to find water soon for both him and the horse. He kept pushing on though because he thought to stop meant going back to town and being hanged. He would rather be shot by the posse or die in an accident on the run than to go back and die like that. By midmorning, he could spot the posse occasionally through the trees. He was going slower and slower so they were gaining on him steadily.

In the posse, Roy was pushing them hard on Adam's trail. Ben and Hoss had no choice except to push on with them. They could hear muttering in the group of men who had joined up. There were several there who apparently wouldn't mind some shooting and a chance to kill Adam. Ben and Hoss held back any comments they wanted to make. They knew that getting these men any angrier was not going to help. Each time they saw Adam's red shirt through the trees, they seemed even more determined to get him. Ben could tell Adam's pace was slowing and hoped that he could hold them off until dark. It would give him a chance to get away, but more importantly, it would keep him out of the hands of these angry men. As the afternoon progressed, Ben was thinking it would be best if Adam actually eluded capture. They could work on proving him innocent even then, but he would be free at least until they accomplished that.

"Pa, what are we gonna do if the posse catches up to Adam?"

"What are we going to do? Why are you asking?"

"Well, it just seems these men ain't so interested in bringing Adam back to town. Seems like some of em would just as soon see him dead out here. It's like they want to be the ones who kill him. I couldn't let them do that, Pa."

"Don't do anything without checking with me first. I've been thinking the same thing. We have to make sure no one here tries to kill him instead of bringing him back."

"Pa, somebody heard ya tell Roy about Adam's sentence not being hanging no more. Some of em are upset about that."

"We'll do what we can, Hoss, and whatever we have to do, but follow my lead, please. I can't lose another son."

About that time, the members of the posse saw Adam very clearly up ahead as he rode up a ridge. He had to go slowly because the ridge was quite steep. As he got to the top, he was outlined against the sky. A shot rang out and everyone turned to see who had fired. A friend of Jenks, Darwin Lee had taken a rifle shot. Hoss turned quickly to see Adam and his heart sank when he saw him slump in the saddle as he crossed to the other side of the ridge. Ben had ridden next to Lee and jerked the rifle from his hands.

Up on the ridgeline, Adam looked back. He saw his father with the posse and was shocked to see him as the only one brandishing a rifle. He turned to ride down the ridge even though the wound in his back was sending pains shooting through his chest. He knew he was seriously wounded but didn't have the time to stop to do anything about it. He rode as hard as he could for the next several hours doing everything he knew how to do to cover his trail. He found water and let the horse drink but he didn't. He was afraid that if he got off the horse, he would not be able to get back on it again. He couldn't get the image of his father with that rifle out of his head. He had seen that Hoss was with the posse that was obviously being led by Sheriff Coffee. He had never felt so alone in his life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

At the location where Lee had fired the shot, Roy was thinning out the posse. "Now Darwin and the rest of you who is friends with Gerard, you're going home. I will not have a hanging posse, and that's what you want this to be."

Darwin was obstinate. "You never wanted to catch him anyway. You're friends with his family. You never wanted none of this."

"You're right about some things, Darwin. I never wanted to see that boy convicted cause I know he's innocent. I didn't want to lock him up, but I did. I didn't want to testify against him, but I did. I was gonna resign my job this morning cause there was no way on this earth I was gonna walk him up those gallows steps. Now, I don't have to, but you better hope he's going to be all right because if he ain't, I'll be charging you with something. Now you git on outta my sight. We have a job to do here, and it ain't the one you think we ought to do."

Once those men were out of sight, Roy turned to Hoss. "Now I didn't ask for your help tracking your brother before cause I rightly didn't think you'd want to do that. But now he might be hurt. We need to find him to help him. Will you track him for us?"

Looking to Ben for confirmation and getting a nod, Hoss agreed. He mounted up and led them to a roundabout way up to the ridge that Adam had probably used. It was longer but a much easier ride until the top, so they went much faster than they had earlier. It was a trail that Adam had showed Hoss on a hunting trip. Hoss had an idea as to where Adam was headed as well because they had used the cave as a base camp when hunting. It was a treacherous ride though if you were in a hurry. Hoss worried about Adam making that ride with a probable bullet wound and not knowing that his sentence had been commuted. He would ride like a desperate man, and a desperate man could make mistakes. He pushed on as hard as he could because of that.

Then Hoss and Ben found one of their fears of the moment realized when they began following Adam's trail down the other side of the ridge. Occasionally they found blood drops on rocks. He wasn't bleeding profusely but it was enough to be worrisome. He had no food with him, he was most likely exhausted from lack of food and lack of sleep, and probably only had the water that they had found he had entered. That's where they lost his trail for good. He exited in one of the gravel washes and they couldn't find which one. As evening neared, they had to make camp. Hoss told them then that he thought he knew where Adam was headed. Ben wanted to know why he hadn't let them there then.

"It's a nasty ride. Ya gotta go slow and easy. I figured if Adam thought we were following him there, he'd try to ride there too fast and too late in the day. Ifn he thinks he lost us, well maybe he'll slow down some and not take so many risks."

"Hoss, I wish you had shared that with us earlier, but it is good thinking. Adam has always been one to be careful when he could. I'm sure by now he knows we've lost ground. I just hope he isn't hurt too badly."

"Pa, he wouldn't a been able to ride so far ifn he was hurt real bad. We'll find him tomorrow, I'm sure."

Then there was the sound of a rider coming close. All the men grabbed weapons not knowing who it could be. When Cochise was spotted, Ben didn't know if he was more relieved or angry. He stalked to the edge of their camp and waited for Little Joe to explain himself.

"Pa, Adam didn't do it. He's innocent."

"We already know that, Little Joe. What are you doing here? You were told to stay at the hotel until we returned."

"I couldn't, Pa. Pa, it's all over town. It was in the paper. Mr. Jenks told everyone that his daughter killed herself. Adam's conviction was already thrown out by the judge before he left town. Deputy Clem was riding up here to tell you, but he wanted to camp when it started to get dark. I figured I could find you and let you know."

"Where is Clem now?"

"He's coming up behind me a lot slower. He'll tell you the same thing when he gets here. Pa, isn't that great news?"

"It is, but this is all a nightmare too."

"What do you mean, Pa?"

"Did you see part of the posse as you were coming here?"

"Ya, they rode past us without saying anything. They looked real mad."

"One of them shot at Adam. We're pretty sure he hit him, but we don't know how bad it is. We lost Adam's trail late this afternoon. He's out there, hurt, alone, and thinking he's running from the gallows. Somehow we have to find him and help him."

A short time later, Clem arrived and verified everything Little Joe had said. They had brought extra food, but no one was much in the mood for eating knowing that Adam was probably out there without any food or even a campfire to keep him warm. He had taken a horse one of the workmen rode to town. There was no bedroll, no canteen, and no saddlebags.

None of that really mattered to Adam at that moment though. He had seen how close the posse was, and with Hoss with them, he suspected they already knew where he was going. He decided to ride on even when it started to get dark. It was a gamble, but he believed he had to risk it. The horse though was skittish and tired because it wasn't used to working this hard or traveling through such difficult terrain. It had shied at an inopportune moment and bucked Adam off. He fell down an embankment into a dry wash. As he lay against the rocks and dirt at the side of the wash, he said a prayer because it was all he had left. He was hurt, exhausted, thirsty, and hungry. At that moment, he couldn't take care of any of those things. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. He would die alone out there in the mountains or the posse would find him and take him back to hang. It didn't really matter much any more. He was tired of fighting fate. He closed his eyes and consciousness fled.

The next morning, the posse broke camp as early as they could. Those who had come along to apprehend Adam left with Sheriff Coffee and Clem to ride back to town. Ben and his youngest sons were going to follow Adam to bring him home. They packed up all the supplies that the posse had brought, and Hoss led them out. They rode for only a few hours when they made a shocking discovery. They saw a where there had been a very recent landslide on the trail. When they looked down the sheer drop, they saw the horse Adam had been riding laying on the edge of a rocky stream. It took them most of the day to work their way down to that site. When they did, they found the horse but no sign of Adam. They looked at the churning waters of the mountain stream, mounted up with grim faces, and headed downstream.

In town late that same day, Roy met with Dan DeQuille who had interviewed Gerard Jenks. The editor and Lem corroborated the story that Dan told. Then Roy headed over to talk with Doctor Paul Martin. He needed an explanation to finish the paperwork on this case.

"Could a woman really do that to herself, Doc?"

"Roy, normally, I would say no. Most people cannot hurt themselves like that certainly. Most can't do even minor harm to themselves. But for years, I was trying to get Gerard to get help for his daughter. Ever since her mother died, she has been getting progressively more unstable. She came to me with requests for medical treatment for things that did not exist. She wanted someone to love her and take care of her. Sadly she picked Adam as that one."

"But how could she a done it? She wasn't that strong."

"I think I know now. When I first saw her and saw the blood on her hands and a cut on her right hand as well as the blood on her bedding, I assumed she fought her attacker. Now I think she put the knife in position and then put her body over it. Then she, in effect, fell on her knife. She probably lived less than a minute after she did it. She rolled on her back and died. That would be consistent with what Gerard said was in her note. She said she would fall on her knife because she could not get Adam to fall for her. She wanted him to find her dead body so he would grieve for her."

"A crazy way of thinking."

"That about sums it up. Do we need an inquest or is my information enough?"

"With Gerard's story in the paper, I would say it's enough. The judge already set aside the verdict and said to clean the record of any charges against Adam. Now if we only knew where he was so he could come on home. We're gonna have to wait to see when Ben and the boys get back. We all knew he was innocent all along."

Ben and his youngest sons never came to town. They went directly home to the Ponderosa after searching until they had exhausted themselves and their supplies. They never found a body. All three of them assumed that Adam had died in the fall because no one could survive a hundred foot fall into a rocky torrent like that, and if by some miracle, he had, there were falls and rapids that would have killed him. With all of the rocks and deadfall in the water, they had to assume that Adam's body was trapped under the water somewhere. Ben wanted to return, but Hoss asked where they would look. Ben had no answer. All they had left then was mourning.

Up in the mountains, a recluse by the name of Yuma was searching for roots and pinon nuts to add to his foodstuffs. The winter had been hard, and he was hungry. As he stumbled through a rocky wash, he smelled something unusual. Thinking perhaps that it was a dead animal, and he might be able to salvage the hide, he went searching for the source of the smell. It wasn't too bad so he thought perhaps the animal had only recently died or been killed. If it had been killed, then the predator might still be in the area, so he approached cautiously. He could use the hide because on his recent trip to town, he had only been able to buy a few staples like flour and salt. As it was, he nearly stumbled over Adam. He had been close to him without seeing him because of the rocks and brush.

"I know who you are. I was just in town, and I heard what ya done. You was supposed to hang so how did you end up here? I don't see no horse."

There was no answer of course because Adam was unconscious. Yuma began to check him over. He found bruises and bumps but nothing serious until he rolled him on his side. Then he saw the bullet wound in his back. It was a shallow wound because the shot had been taken from so far away and fired uphill. It was remarkable that he had been hit at all from that distance. But the wound had festered and there was no exit wound.

"Gonna have to get that bullet outta ya. Now I gotta go get some rope and such to haul you back to my place. Don't ya go die on me now. I figure you're worth more to your pappy alive than I could get by collecting a reward. Ifn ya die, I'll have to settle for the reward, but either way, I just come into some money."

Yuma left and hurried to his small cabin. He returned quickly with his donkey, some rope, a blanket, and two long poles. He tied the rope around Adam's chest and hauled him up from the wash to the top of the embankment. He untied him then and built a travois. Then he rolled Adam onto it before lifting the two poles and tying them to the donkey's pack rack. He used a small section of rope to tie Adam to the travois and then headed back to his cabin with his prize. Once back at the cabin, Yuma removed Adam's red shirt and realized he needed to get that bullet out, but it would be too dark in his cabin to see. He propped the travois up on some firewood and used the extra rope to tie Adam more securely to the travois so he couldn't move away when Yuma went after the bullet. The wound was red and swollen with black dried blood in the center. Yuma put the blade of his knife into the fire in his cabin. Once it was clean and hot, he headed back to Adam and lanced open the wound. He had to step away because of the smell. He went back in the cabin for his small supply of whisky. He poured some in a cup and took it outside. He poured about an ounce into the open wound. Adam was unconscious but the pain still got through. He groaned in agony and tried to get away from the pain. He couldn't. Yuma pressed and probed with the knife, and alternately poured in small amounts of alcohol until the wound looked clean. Then he probed with the knife straight down and felt it hit something solid.

"Well, you're lucky on that score. I can get that bullet out without any cutting. Now it's gonna hurt something fierce. I'd put something in your mouth to bite on but I reckon you wouldn't even know what I was doing ifn I tried that. Hell and damnation, here I go. I'm a gonna get that bullet out."

When Yuma reached in for the bullet, Adam screamed, arched his back, and dropped into a coma. The pain, shock, fever, exhaustion, and blood loss were far too much to bear. He would not wake to full consciousness for well over a week. More than once, Yuma thought he had lost him, but he would rally and keep fighting. As the week progressed, Yuma liked the young man more and more. He had a will to survive that was amazing. Yuma even tried to remember those prayers his mother had taught him over fifty years earlier. He thought it couldn't hurt to try that too.

For Adam, the only thoughts he had during those days was that he had died and gone to hell. Physical pain wracked his body and the heat was intense. All he wished for was a dip in a cold stream or sitting out in a heavy rain, but neither of those happened and it seemed the heat was consuming him. Occasionally he heard a voice but not one he recognized. The voice seemed kind enough but kept ordering him not to die and then would tie him down and inflict horrible pain on him. He thought he already had died so he could make no sense out of what he heard. Finally, nine days after fleeing the jail and the gallows, Adam opened his eyes as an older man spooned liquid into his mouth. He didn't know who was more surprised. Yuma dropped the cup he was holding as he jumped back when Adam's eyes opened and looked directly at him.

"Now look what ya made me do. That was just honey and water, but I ain't got that much honey to be wasting it. On the other hand, glad to see ya awake. I was wondering ifn you was ever gonna wake up."

Looking around at his surroundings, Adam saw that he was in a dimly lit small cabin. It smelled awful, and eventually he would come to realize he was the source of the smell. He looked back at the man who had cared for him and saved his life but also caused him great pain with his care of Adam's wound. He wanted to talk like the man did, but it seemed he couldn't remember how. He was going to tell the man what his name was and couldn't remember that either. He tried to think of how he had arrived in this state, and his mind was blank on that too. He frowned and looked at the man sitting before him. He had never seen him before either as far as he knew, but because he knew virtually nothing at the moment, he perhaps should know this man as well.

"Well, how about I gives ya something to drink. Then maybe you can talk with me a bit. It gets mighty lonely up here."

Yuma got a cup of soup that he had been cooking for his meal. He spooned it slowly and carefully into Adam's mouth. Adam ate and found it did soothe his throat and eased his hunger. He waited for more information, but Yuma thought it was his turn to talk. He asked him to explain how he got there, and all he could do was shrug. Then he asked him several other questions, and each time, all Adam could do was shrug.

"C'mon, now, you're Adam Cartwright. You come from one of the richest and most powerful families hereabouts. You must be able to talk. Hey, ifn you can't talk, I bet you could write. I don't have any paper, but I got a board here and some charcoal. You could just write down the answers." Yuma handed the board and charcoal to Adam who gazed up at him in consternation. He had no idea what the man wanted. He was effectively silenced. He had no memory of how to communicate with others. He could not remember a life before this moment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

As frustrating as it was to find that Adam could not speak nor write, Yuma was still determined to make a profit from his rescue of the young man. He headed to town on his donkey two days after Adam awakened. Adam was getting less and less cooperative as he recovered. He would not allow Yuma to look at his wound. When he left, Yuma left food on the table for him. He had pointed at it before he left. He also set out a basin of water, some rags, and lye soap. He didn't use it often but thought his guest ought to become familiar with it. He told him to leave his clothing alone as Yuma planned to wash it when he got back, so he left him a clean blanket to wrap in once he was clean. It did seem to him that Adam understood his directions. He shook his head and left. This was all far more complex than he had thought it would be.

Once Yuma left, Adam got out of the bed and walked slowly to the table. He was extremely weak and could only walk about ten feet without help but that wasn't too much of a problem in that the cabin that was only about twelve feet square. Once he got to the table, he sat on the roughhewn stool that was there. He took the soap and wet it before starting to wash himself. It took him a long time to get himself clean because he mainly could use only his right arm. When he tried to use his left, pains still radiated from the wound in his back. When he was clean, he ate some of the stew and bread that Yuma had left for him. He had seen Yuma eat some of it so assumed it was safe, and he was getting an appetite back although he still ate very little. He had lost a lot of weight and felt weak as a result of that and everything else that had happened. He drank a couple of cups of water, and then he stood and went back to the bed pulling the soiled blankets from it. With the clean blanket wrapped around him, he lay down on the bed and fell asleep.

In Virginia City, Yuma was very surprised to learn Adam's story. People who talked about it were regarding it as a tragedy. They all thought Adam had died, and talked about how the family was mourning and hadn't been to town since returning from the search for Adam. Yuma got a piece of paper by taking an old flier down from the bulletin board outside the newspaper office. He borrowed a stub of a pencil from a man in that office and wrote a note to Ben Cartwright. He told him to leave two hundred dollars at a site not too far from his cabin. He said he would bring Adam Cartwright to that spot the day after the money was left there for him. He folded the paper and wrote Ben Cartwright across the outside of it. Then he stepped into the newspaper office and asked how he could get a message to Ben Cartwright. He was told that the helper at the livery stable often delivered messages to the Ponderosa for a small fee because he always got a nice tip from the Cartwrights. Yuma headed over there to do just that. He only had a two-bit piece but the boy was still agreeable to taking the message out there. He headed out of town to the Ponderosa as Yuma headed back to his cabin.

When Jimmy got to the Ponderosa, he knocked as he always did. Hop Sing answered the door and told Jimmy that Mr. Cartwright was at his desk and to bring the note to him there. Jimmy handed the note over and got a dollar for his troubles. He didn't even get to the front door before Ben was up and demanding he return. Furious, Ben was standing behind his desk.

"Who paid you to bring this out here?"

"I don't know his name. I see him in town every now and then. Sometimes he has a little bit of gold, but mostly he brings in furs to trade for stuff."

"What does he look like?"

Jimmy described him as well as he could. Ben asked him to bring that note to Sheriff Coffee and to give him the description of the man who had asked him to deliver it. After Jimmy left, Ben walked over and poured himself a glass of brandy. Hoss and Little Joe were soon at the house for lunch and asked him what was wrong because he didn't usually have any alcohol during the day.

"A damn cruel hoax. Someone claims they will deliver Adam if we bring two hundred dollars to a spot near where he disappeared."

"Who was it?" Hoss was as upset as his father.

"Jimmy will give a description to Roy. We'll let him handle it."

"Pa, what if it isn't a hoax? What if he's got Adam?"

"Little Joe, we all saw the same thing. No one could have survived that." Ben dropped into the red leather chair and stared at the fireplace. He couldn't get that image out of his head. Now this had brought it all back into sharp focus again. No one had anything more to say, and lunch was very somber. Many times each day, there were things that reminded the family members of their loss. It was next to impossible to go for even an hour without remembering. For someone to try to profit from their loss was infuriating. That night, all three of them dreamed of Adam coming back to the Ponderosa.

Back at his cabin, Yuma was dreaming of money he thought he would soon have. He had no idea how poor he was at criminal activities. He went out and checked the next day and the day after but there was no money. He decided to be more direct. He took Adam's shirt and rolled it up. He rode to the Ponderosa and waited for dusk. Then he rode as close as he could before sneaking up to the house and throwing the shirt on the porch near the front door. He quickly returned to his horse and rode back to the cabin. Every time he entered his cabin now, Adam sat on the bed with his back to the wall eyeing him suspiciously. It seemed he had realized who had been hurting him all those times when he was suffering from the high fever. He didn't realize that it had been necessary to save his life, and Yuma didn't know why he was regarded with such hostility. The lack of communication made any understanding impossible.

On the Ponderosa, the family had been having dinner when Yuma delivered the shirt. Hoss looked up from his meal when the shirt was tossed.

"Did you hear something?"

"Like what?" Ben had not heard anything, but Hoss frequently heard things he didn't.

"I thought I heard a noise by the front porch."

"Probably just a small animal, maybe a squirrel."

"Didn't sound like a squirrel."

Wondering if Hoss did hear something, Little Joe jumped up to go check. He was gone before Ben could remind him that he needed to ask to be excused before leaving the table. Neither Ben nor Hoss heard anything from Little Joe other than the front door opening. Then an ashen faced Little Joe stood at the corner of the dining room holding a red shirt. Ben knocked over his chair as he stood up quickly and moved to his youngest son. He grabbed the shirt out of Little Joe's hands and unrolled it. There in the back was a bullet hole. It was clearly Adam's shirt. There were a few other tears in it, but overall, it didn't look too bad and it had been washed. Hoss moved to his father's side.

"Pa, maybe we oughta bring two hundred dollars to that spot he mentioned, and see what's going on here."

"Yes, at first light tomorrow. We have enough in the safe to do it. We'll go at first light."

Ben was nearly in shock. He had no idea what to think now, but agreed that they needed to find out where the man had gotten Adam's shirt. Not one of them slept much that night. Before dawn was even there, Ben and Hoss were at the dining table to eat breakfast. Hop Sing had been told of their plans and why they were leaving so early. He had prayed as much as anyone the night before that there could in fact be a miracle. Little Joe came down as the two men were eating. Hop Sing brought out a plate for him immediately. As soon as they could, they rode out. Ben dropped the money at the prescribed spot, and then the three of them rode back to the trees near there and hid themselves as they watched. By midmorning, a man walked down to the spot and picked up the bag. They could hear his yell of jubilation when he opened it. He began walking back the way he had come but the three rode after him. He saw them coming and tried to run, but it was futile. Soon Ben had him by his shirt.

"Where did you get my son's shirt?"

"I got it from him."

"Where is he?"

"He's at my cabin."

"You brought his body to your cabin?"

"No, course not. I brought him. I found him all hurt and I saved him."

"Saved him? He's alive?"

"Course he is. I wouldna asked for money ifn he was dead. I just thought I deserved something for all my troubles."

"Mister, if what you said is true, my Pa woulda given you ten or twenty times what you said we had ta pay. You just had to ask. Now where is he?"

So Yuma led them back to the cabin as he gave them a running dialogue about finding him and what he had done for him. "He's a strange one though. He don't talk or make a sound at all. He just stares at me. More and more, he's been looking mad at me, but I don't know why."

"He hasn't talked to you at all?"

"Ha, maybe it isn't Adam at all. I can't believe he wouldn't be talking."

"Little Joe, this is not a good time to be joking."

"Yes, Pa. Sorry, Pa."

When they got to the cabin, all four crowded inside. Adam sat up from the bed where he had been sleeping. He pulled the blanket around him and pressed back against the wall. He showed no sign of recognition.

"Adam, son, I can't believe it. You're alive. I prayed and prayed, but I almost can't believe it. It is a miracle."

"See, I told ya. He don't talk, and he don't know nothing."

Hoss and Little Joe also addressed their brother. There was no response showing that he had any idea who they were. He seemed more worried about them being there than anything. Ben looked over at Yuma. He was getting very worried about his son's condition.

"Has he been this way all the time?"

"He groaned and hollered when I first brung him here. But then he got that terrible fever and he spent over a week lying there looking like he was dying. When he finally woke up, he didn't make a sound. He hasn't made a sound since far as I know."

"Pa, what's wrong with Adam?"

"Little Joe, I don't know. It must be because of all the pain and suffering. I'm sure he'll be fine in a few days once we get him home with some of Hop Sing's cooking and sleeping in his own bed." Except Ben wasn't sure at all what to think even as he tried to reassure his younger sons. He asked Yuma to come with them. Yuma was concerned that they were going to turn him over to the sheriff, but Ben assured him that they wanted him to speak with the doctor about what he had done for Adam and anything he remembered about the previous two weeks. Ben also offered to pay him five hundred dollars for his help and that convinced him to travel to the Ponderosa with the family. Little Joe rode double with his father so Adam could ride Cochise. Hoss rode beside Adam and Ben rode ahead of them with Yuma on his donkey. They set the pace. Adam seemed fairly agreeable to traveling with them, but in his mind, he was happy to be free of that cabin and to have a horse to ride. He was tiring as they rode though. Hoss called a halt about two thirds of the way back.

"Pa, I think we need a break."

Ben was going to say it was only a short distance to the house, but when he looked back, he saw how pale Adam had become. He pulled up and after he and Little Joe dismounted, he pulled his saddlebags down and handed sandwiches all around. He noted how Adam kept anyone from getting behind him. He seemed worried about all of them. They rested in the shade of a tree with Adam sitting up against the tree trunk and keeping all four of them in sight. It was unnerving to his family to have him so worried about what they might do. When they got back to the ranch, Ben sent one of the hands for the doctor. Everyone on the ranch was shocked not only to see that Adam was alive, but shocked at his appearance as well. He looked almost gaunt and had a heavy beard. He had no shirt and kept a blanket around his shoulders to stay warm. Hoss went to get him a shirt, but he left it laying on his lap. He didn't seem ready to accept something like that yet. When Doctor Martin got there nearly two hours later, he was as shocked as everyone but his training allowed him to hide it better.

"Adam, I would like to change the bandage on your wound. I'm a doctor, and I've done this for many people. May I do that for you?"

Although it was clear that Adam was concerned about that request, he stood and looked at the doctor quizzically.

"We can go in that bedroom over there. It will be very private. Hop Sing there will bring in some water so that I can clean the area if I have to do that. Is that all right?"

Adam walked to the indicated room so Paul followed. After Hop Sing brought in the water, Paul closed the door. He asked Adam before he did anything, and waited for his response before proceeding. When he finished, he asked Adam if he was tired and would like to sleep. Adam lay back on the bed then. Paul walked to the door, and as he left, he closed the door tightly. He told them not to rush things too much.

"He's exhausted. He needs to rebuild his strength. As to the lack of communication and memory loss, I don't know. I want to talk to Yuma here, and then see what happens over the next few days. I'll be back tomorrow and the day after. I'll be here every day until I can give you some answers."

Yuma told all of them a detailed version of events then. Ben offered to let him stay the night, but Yuma was uncomfortable with the idea. He was still worried about the sheriff. Ben got five hundred dollars from the safe and handed it to him. "Thank you for saving my son's life. If you ever need help with anything, you come and ask us." Yuma left then as did Doctor Martin.

For the next two days, Adam ate meals with the family, slept in his old room, but said nothing. He continued to look on his family with suspicion. When they were all leaving the house the next day, Ben and Hoss strapped on their gunbelts. Adam looked at them with a furrowed brow. Hoss opened the door of the credenza and removed Adam's gunbelt and handed it to him. Adam strapped it on, and as far as they knew, he never took it off. He sat in the great room and at the dining table in a position so that no one could be behind him. The first meal, Hoss had wanted to say that was his spot, but then he realized that Adam didn't remember that. He moved to the end of the table where his older brother usually sat. There were no family conversations because Adam did not communicate in any way. It was as if he wasn't there even though he was there.

Doctor Martin was true to his word. On his third visit, he talked extensively with the family.

"Yes, memory loss can occur from an injury as well as from a high fever, but the memory loss should primarily be from the time of the injury and while suffering the fever. Adam's memory loss seems complete. I believe there are other reasons for it. Stress, shock, extreme pain, and feelings of being abandoned and lost could make him not want to remember or unable to remember."

"He was never abandoned. We did everything we could to try to help him."

"Ben, he was convicted and facing the gallows. He sat in that jail cell all alone. Who knows what thoughts he had. He didn't know you had traveled to see the territorial governor to get clemency for him. He didn't know that he was facing a life sentence instead of hanging."

"I didn't want to give him any false hope. He did say that he wondered if I thought he was guilty when I said there was so much evidence against him, and not much for the defense to use."

"You see, that's what I mean. Who knows what he was thinking? He very likely did feel abandoned, and then you and Hoss were in the posse when he was shot. If he saw that, he could have also assumed that you were trying to take him back to hang."

"He don't trust none of us either. He wears his gunbelt all the time. He won't never turn his back on any of us. He even barricades his bedroom door at night. You can hear him drag the furniture when he does it and in the morning to open it up again. But why can't he talk with us?"

"Probably the same things causing the memory problems are causing the lack of communication. Most likely, he woke up unable to speak because of the fever. His mind apparently has seen no reason to change that since then."

"How bad do you think the fever was?"

"I've seen the scarring from that bullet wound. It is extensive and shows the results of the area being badly infected. Yuma said he lanced the wound a number of times to drain it and had to change the bandages repeatedly. He said he tied him down each time when he did it because he thrashed about with the extreme pain of that. He only noticed on retrospection that Adam didn't scream or yell out as he did when he first moved him and then got the bullet out. Somewhere in that time frame, his mind closed off communication with the world. With that situation, I think the fever was probably very high, the pain was extreme, and he had faced so much already, it was too much for him. He's lucky to have survived at all so we have to be patient with him now."

"But what can we do for my son now?"

"Kindness, caring, good food, rest, and time are the best prescription for now. He needs to feel comfortable where he is for his mind to open those barriers. Remember that it is not a conscious decision on his part not to remember and not to communicate. He is trapped behind those barriers as effectively as you are kept on the other side, but he is the only one who can knock them down. However, he has to want to knock them down."

"I still don't understand how he doesn't trust us. I mean we were all there when he was in jail. He said he forgave me for what I did. Does this mean he doesn't?" Little Joe was still carrying a lot of guilt for his part in this ordeal.

"There is no way to know what he is thinking or thought before he lost his memory and his ability to communicate. His own decision to run may have affected this the most. He felt alone and cut off from everyone, so that became his reality."

"So he has to find a way to reconnect with us. I don't know how we can do that for my son."

"With whom does he seem most comfortable?"

"Probably Hoss. He seems to want to get away from Little Joe whenever he gets too close, and he gives me looks that tell me to keep my distance. Hoss can sit next to him, and even touch him without too much of a negative reaction."

"Then have him work with Hoss. Perhaps even take his meals with just Hoss. He needs to trust someone, and right now, he's too worried about everything to trust anyone."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Still weak from his ordeal, Adam wasn't able to take on normal tasks. The hands had been told to keep their distance and did. Adam spent each day in Hoss' company as they did minor chores around the house with frequent breaks for Adam to rest. When they cut firewood, Hoss saw the scar on Adam's back. It was still shades of red and purple, but the tissue around it looked healthy. Paul had said to give him all the opportunities to remember that they could. Because of the memories the scar brought out, Hoss started telling the story, as he remembered Adam telling him many times, of his mother being killed by an arrow. Adam stopped working and listened. It was a good story, and he enjoyed listening to Hoss tell these stories. He knew he was supposed to remember things but didn't although he did find a lot of troubling images were invading his dreams at night making sleep even more elusive than it had been. Often he was awake until the early morning hours and then would fall into sleep due to sheer exhaustion. Tired in the morning and then working meant that it wasn't unusual for him to fall asleep in a chair on the porch after they finished their lunch. Hoss never woke him when that happened. He sat in a chair and waited.

Inside, Ben would often be watching. His heart broke every time he saw that sad, haunted look in his oldest son's eyes. He was lost in there, and only he could find his way out. He sat down at his desk again and tried to concentrate on the work they had to do. He had cancelled the drive they should have had, so he had to be very careful with expenditures until they could organize another one. They wouldn't be able to do that until Adam was better or at least healthier. He noted too that each day, Adam chose only his black shirts and black pants to wear until they were all in the laundry and he had to wear the other colors. He thought to ask Paul what that could mean the next time he stopped in to check on Adam's progress. His health was improving, and with the work, he was eating more so he no longer had that gray, gaunt look, although with the beard, it was harder to tell. Ben wondered why he never shaved, but again had no answer. He decided though to ask him that at dinner just to see his reaction, so he did. Adam looked at him and shrugged.

"Do ya remember how to shave?" Hoss was next to Adam at the table and that got his attention. He shook his head. "Well, after dinner, I could shave ya. Would that be all right?" Hoss grinned when Adam nodded, and Adam smiled back. That was the first smile Ben had seen from Adam since his return. Hoss looked at his father. "He does that sometimes now. I'm glad you saw it. Hey, Hop Sing, I'm gonna need some hot water, a towel, and some shaving soap after dinner. I'm gonna help Adam get rid of that beard."

As Hoss first trimmed Adam's beard and then began shaving him, his tongue was out one side of his mouth and then the other as he concentrated. Adam began to mimic him. "Now you cut that out. I can't do this proper with you sticking your tongue out of the corners of your mouth. Now who does something silly like that anyway?" Adam pointed at Hoss. "I don't do nothing of the kind. Now you just hold still so's I can do this." Ben and Little Joe watched as Adam surreptitiously slid his hand toward the hand mirror on the table. Hoss saw it too but pretended not to see. He did an exaggerated tongue in the corner of his mouth, and Adam raised the mirror to show him. "Now you just wait one dadblamed minute. I'm just trying to help, and you keep making fun of me. Ifn I do that it's only cause you taught me how. I do a lot of stuff you showed me." Adam grinned, and Hoss laughed. Ben thought his heart grew larger at that moment to see his two oldest sons teasing each other.

That night, they did not hear Adam pull any furniture in front of his door. More progress had been made, but it was so difficult to be patient. Sometimes Ben or Little Joe just wanted to demand that Adam remember them, but they knew that would be the worst thing to do so they forced themselves to wait. Unable to sleep, Little Joe was frustrated and climbed out on the porch roof. He lay down on his back to look at the stars. In his room, Adam heard some noise outside his window. At first, he was afraid but looking out the window, he saw Little Joe lying on his back staring at the heavens. Hesitating for a moment, Adam climbed through his window onto the porch roof next to Little Joe who was in his nightshirt and turned to see Adam with his shirt open but still wearing his pants. At least he didn't have his gunbelt on. Little Joe turned back to look at the sky as Adam sat down and leaned back. Little Joe started naming the constellations Adam had taught him. First he pointed at Taurus, which was one of his favorites. Adam laid back and watched and listened. After naming that, Little Joe pointed and named Gemini, and then Orion and Perseus. He wanted to name the next one but couldn't remember. Adam took his hand and said the name. "Auriga."

Shocked, Little Joe sat up. "You can talk! I heard you. You can talk! C'mon, say something else. I know you can. Say something." By then both Ben and Hoss were at Little Joe's window. "Pa, Hoss, he can talk. Adam can talk. He said Auriga! C'mon Adam, say something else."

Adam sat silently. He was as surprised as Little Joe. But when he tried to say something, nothing happened. He had the words in his mind now, but couldn't remember how to say them. He looked up at his father and middle brother and shrugged. He didn't know what else to do. Little Joe was going to try to get him to talk more, but Ben stopped that.

"Joseph, remember what the doctor said. Be patient. Adam has said something but pushing him to say more obviously isn't going to work. Let's rejoice in the fact that we know he can talk, and wait for him to find a way to do that more."

Clearly disappointed, Little Joe frowned. He had to think of a way to get Adam to talk more. As it happened, the next one was as unexpected as the first. Hop Sing was told by Ben that Adam had said a word. To celebrate the achievement, he fixed hotcakes with hot cinnamon apples the next morning. There was bacon on the side as well as fresh fruit. Adam took a plate from Hop Sing and began eating as soon as Ben finished saying grace. "Hmm, these are good!" Then he looked up in shock at everyone. He had talked again, and he still had no idea how he had done it. Hoss and Ben grinned at him helping him to relax. He looked at Little Joe who was staring at him. Ben saw it too.

"Little Joe, you will not scheme to get Adam to talk more. He is doing quite well without your interference. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Pa, but I was thinking that if we keep doing good things, he's gonna talk more."

"If you want to do nice things for your brother, that's fine. But no scheming."

"Yes, sir." Ben didn't need to remind him of the terrible consequences of his last scheme.

As was the usual routine, Hoss and Adam went outside to work, and on that day, Ben and Little Joe headed out to the herd to take care of things there. Ben was looking forward almost as much as Little Joe to Adam recovering more because he wasn't used to all the riding and work which made him realize just how much Adam and Hoss had been doing before this ordeal began. He decided right then and there that he ought to increase their wages for they were very important to the successful operation of the ranch. When Ben and Little Joe rode back to have lunch, Doctor Martin was there. He was speaking to Adam with Hoss hovering nearby. He could see too how anxious Ben and Little Joe were when they arrived.

"As I've been explaining to Adam, his speech returning is step one. He will likely be able to say more and more if you can all just let him do it in his own time. Now as his speech returns, I fully expect his memories to do the same and probably in the same manner. He'll begin remembering bits and pieces, perhaps memories that are important to him. As he recuperates, he will remember more and more. Before you get too exuberant, I have to tell you that this could take weeks or months. Pushing it won't speed things up, and could very well make it take longer." Looking pointedly at Little Joe, Doctor Martin was very specific. "There are no tricks, no schemes, or anything else that will help this along. It is a healing process and will occur at its own pace much as a broken bone or a wound heals. There's nothing to speed it up, and trying to do too much too soon sets back the healing process."

Over the next few days, Adam made more of those spontaneous comments. They seemed to be occurring more and more often giving the whole family hope that this might soon be over. Adam was working on fixing a wagon wheel when Hoss pinched his finger. "Dadburnit, this dadblamed wagon is gonna be the death of me yet. Tarnation, it seems every time I work on this thing, I get hurt." Looking up he saw Adam smiling at him. "What do you think is so funny anyway? That hurt."

"Hoss."

For a moment, Hoss didn't react, but then he stood. Adam saying that didn't sound like the other things he had been saying. It sounded like he knew who he was. "You remember me?"

"Hoss, I remember you. I remember you." Images of Hoss from many different events were scrolling through his mind. He smiled again, and Hoss reached for him and pulled him into a hug.

"We got some real good news to share when Pa and Little Joe get home, now don't we? They're gonna be tickled pink. We all been hoping for you to start remembering us and yourself too for that matter. You want ta go up to your room now. I can tell ya all about the stuff ya got in there."

Hesitantly and being careful to say each word correctly, Adam disagreed. "Hoss, we can fix the wagon first."

Hoss grinned. He loved hearing his brother talk to him, and calling him by his name was the best. His finger didn't even bother him any more. They finished the wagon and then went up to Adam's room briefly. Hoss could see how tired Adam was getting and suggested they go have that snack that Hop Sing had promised them. He heard the heavy tread that Adam made as he came down the stairs. He and Hoss walked out to the porch as was their afternoon habit, and Hop Sing was soon there with doughnuts and coffee.

"Hop Sing, Adam remembered me. He's talking a bit more too."

Hop Sing had heard. The wagon was in the yard, and Hoss had talked very loudly when he got excited. "I hear. I very happy too." He noticed that Adam had his brow furrowed and was staring at him intently. "Mistah Adam need something from Hop Sing."

With a small smile, Adam stood and bowed. "Just don't go back to China anytime soon, please."

"You remember Hop Sing!"

Slowly and very deliberately, Adam answered him. "I remember. Not everything has come back, but more and more today, all those dreams I've been having are coming into focus." As he remembered, the words were coming back too, but it was exhausting. He sat in the chair, sipped coffee, and ate a donut. Then he tipped his head back and fell asleep.

Hoss hated to see fresh doughnuts go to waste, so he ate three and drank coffee as he sat quietly with his brother who was now truly back home. Ben and Little Joe were hunting some coyotes who had been wreaking havoc not only with the chickens but with the newborn livestock. They rode into the yard quietly as they usually did lately because Adam was often sleeping or resting on the porch by the time they got back. Hoss waved and grinned so Ben knew it had been a good day. He hoped as he did every day that Adam would remember his family. After he fed Buck, brushed him down, and made sure he had water, he grabbed his rifle and headed to the porch to talk with Hoss. Little Joe yelled out to him from the stable asking if he wanted him to stretch the pelts they had. Adam heard Little Joe's yell and opened his eyes to see his father coming toward him carrying a rifle. Suddenly one of his nightmares seemed to be coming true. He jumped up knocking his chair over backwards and startling Hoss into spilling the coffee he was pouring for his father.

"You shot me!"

"What?"

Not so clearly stated as the first exclamation, Adam struggled to say what he was seeing in his mind. "I saw you with the rifle. I got shot. You had a rifle."

"Adam, Pa grabbed that rifle away from Darwin Lee. Pa would never shoot you." Hoss was in pain at the suffering Adam had endured, and now the pain his father must be suffering knowing how Adam had misconstrued what had happened.

"No, son, I would never hurt you."

Slowly with each word a deliberate effort, Adam's memories of being hurt by his father emerged. "You hit me with your belt. Many times. You called it a tanning, but you hit me with your belt. It hurt a lot."

Suddenly Inger's words and Marie's came back at Ben. They had both said that tanning, especially with a belt, didn't engender respect and obedience as Ben claimed. Both of them said it caused fear and a desire to hide. He had eventually accepted some of what they said, but Adam had apparently already suffered consequences because of it. Ben had tanned Hoss and Little Joe with his hand for he couldn't accept that corporal punishment was wrong, but they had never felt the sting of his belt as Adam had. "I was wrong to do that. My father did it to me, and I blindly accepted that it was the way to handle disobedience, but I know now that I was wrong. But, son, I would never shoot you no matter what. I couldn't do that. You're my first-born son. You've been by my side for over half of my life. I couldn't do that."

In a halting voice as Adam searched for the words he needed, he stated his greatest concerns. "But you left me alone in that cell. I had less than two days to live and you left. You said you had business in Carson. You said that there was so much evidence against me. Did you think I did it?"

"Never. There was so much evidence to fight though, and we didn't have much to help us. I'm so sorry I left you alone, but I went to Carson to get a clemency order. I didn't know it would take all day. I didn't get back until the next morning, and you had already escaped. Roy told us that we could ride with the posse to try to make sure you weren't hurt. Your sentence was commuted to life in prison. It was what the lawyers said was our only chance to prove you innocent. These damn trials out here go so fast. It seems they want to punish someone before they know the whole story. Now we can tell you too. Gerard Jenks admitted that his daughter killed herself. He lied when he said he saw you, but we knew that. However we couldn't prove it until he told Dan at the Territorial Enterprise, and they printed the story. Everyone knows you're innocent now. I should have told you what I was doing that day. Son, I didn't want to give you false hope just to see it dashed, but I know now that it must have looked like I was abandoning you. I wasn't. I was doing everything I could to save you."

"Adam, do you trust me?" Hoss had moved to Adam's side. Adam nodded as he looked into his brother's bright blue eyes that could never lie. "Then believe me that everything that Pa just said is the God's honest truth."

Seeing how shaken Adam looked, Hoss said nothing more. Ben and even Little Joe remained quiet. None of them could imagine what was happening in Adam's mind now as memories returned. Adam squeezed his eyes shut. Hoss righted the chair Adam had tipped over and guided him to sit in it again and lean back. He did. Ben motioned to Little Joe to go into the house. Hoss used sign language to indicate that he would stay with Adam. Ben retreated, but Hoss knew he wouldn't go far. At this point, no one knew what to expect.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

As soon as possible, Ben sent a hand to see if Doctor Martin could come out to the Ponderosa to try to help them now that Adam's memories were returning. When Paul arrived, he had little to add to what they already knew. As Adam rested, they talked.

"This process could be exhausting for Adam over the next few days as he emotionally adjusts to remembering and then reconnecting with his family. Not all the memories will be pleasant. He will have to process all of that. From what you told me of the things he said, I think I have a better understanding of what happened. He was already tired, hungry, and thirsty when he was shot. He was afraid of what could happen. He took a risk riding at night and that had to raise his stress level too. Then he got hurt more, and suffered a very high fever. Already emotionally distraught and probably plagued by bad dreams based on his recent experiences, his mind shut off his memories. It was too much. Now that he knows some of what he thought was true isn't true, he'll be able to better accept that he's here with his family."

"He's very upset right now, Paul. What can we do?"

"Ben, nothing too much. I think a warm soaking bath, a good meal, and then perhaps some warm milk before he slips into a soft comfortable bed. Keep it quiet, and let him sleep as long as he will. I suspect he may not be up very early tomorrow. That's all right. If it happens every day, then I need to know."

"Why, Doc? Ain't he gonna need a lot of sleep?"

"Hoss, your brother was always prone to being serious, and introspective, and sometimes even a bit depressed. Something like this could push him in that direction. We don't want that to happen."

"You mean, he's moody, and we should watch out he don't get into one of those bad moods and stay there?"

"Yes, Hoss, that about sums it up. Find the things that make him more relaxed and do those. It's probably time to let him start interacting with people. Let the hands come up to him. We'll see if he remembers them."

"Paul, what if he doesn't?"

"Ben, he will, but how fast he remembers them will tell us how much of his memory has returned. It's not all back yet. I can tell by how slowly he's forced to speak. Almost every word is a conscious decision on his part to say. Except for the spontaneous comments that you have mentioned, his speech is very deliberate. Has anyone tried to see if he can read or write yet?"

"Never even thought to do that, Doc."

"Well, don't try yet. Give it a couple of days and then see if he can. I suspect he will be able to do that now. Hand him his guitar to see if he can play. Reading and music are two things he enjoyed. It may help him recover to be able to do those again. But again, don't rush things. For the next day or two, he has enough to do. But gradually try to get him to do some of the old familiar things."

"Paul, Adam seems to prefer black clothing now. He'll wear that in preference to anything else he has. Is that meaningful or just a coincidence?"

Thinking about that for a moment, the doctor was stymied. "Ben, I just don't know. This kind of reaction to trauma and stress happens often enough, but most people think it's just the person feeling sorry for themselves or some other such nonsense. It was only Adam's profound memory loss that made everyone take notice. There are still going to be some who will doubt he had a real problem. They'll blame him. Someday, we'll know more about what happens in cases like this, but for now, it hasn't been studied enough. There are a lot of theories but no real answers. Some of this is using good common medical sense for the good of the patient. I have to tell you if those things I suggested didn't work, I wouldn't have known what to do instead."

"So I don't suppose you could tell us this won't reoccur?"

"There's no way to tell, Ben. Just keep doing what you've been doing and be patient with the patient. It's working and there isn't any harm in any of the things I've asked you to do."

The family followed the doctor's advice that night and were relieved when it worked. Adam did sleep late the next day walking down the stairs about midmorning. Ben was working at his desk. He planned to spend the afternoon working with the hands, but for the morning, there was paperwork that had to be completed.

"Did you get a good night's sleep, Adam?"

"Yes, but you shouldn't give me such preferential treatment. It may make my brothers upset."

Ben was relieved to hear how much Adam's speech had improved in clarity and in the speed of delivery. "Oh, they were in full agreement that you needed your sleep. Hoss is out working on the forge if you want to help him after your breakfast."

"Maybe I should skip breakfast. It'll be time for lunch in two hours."

"I wouldn't advise you to do that. Hop Sing will be very angry. He set aside food for your breakfast, and you know how much he hates it when we don't eat the food he's prepared."

Understanding what his father meant, Adam nodded and headed to the kitchen. Soon Ben could hear the chatter of conversation that seemed to be mostly dominated by Hop Sing. After that, he heard Hoss and Adam talking in the yard as they worked. Adam liked working on the forge and creating things, and the two brothers were enjoying their time together so much, Hoss had to be called for lunch. Hop Sing was so shocked by that, he forgot to complain about Hoss and Adam being late and the food getting cold. That was so unusual that Ben had to remark about it and that caused Hop Sing to admonish him for saying such things. Hoss and Adam smiled at the irony of their father being rebuked when they were the ones late for lunch.

"Hey, where's shortshanks anyway? He coulda helped us with the forge today, and I ain't seen him since breakfast."

"I sent him out to work with the hands. He doesn't need me there to get some work done."

In the time before this had happened to Adam, he would have smirked at that. He said nothing and had no particular response at all. Both Ben and Hoss noticed. It was clear that he still had a way to go to get back to the way he was, and not for the first time, both wondered if he ever would. Because he had slept in, Adam didn't fall asleep after lunch or when Hop Sing brought out a snack. Hop Sing was still doing his best to get Adam to eat more so he could gain back more of the weight he had lost. Working with Hoss though was rebuilding Adam's musculature, and he felt better and better each day other than being tired. He was still having lots of dreams at night, and often got surprised during the day when a phrase, a conversation, or talking with one of the hands would stimulate more memory. Paul thought it would all come back but there were a few gaps and that caused a bit of worry too. As a result of not napping, when Adam got to the dinner table, he was very tired. He put his head down on his arms. Hoss was the only one at the table when he did that. By the time, Ben and Little Joe finished cleaning up and got to the table, Adam was asleep. Instead of waking him, Ben motioned for his sons to pick up their place settings and follow him into the kitchen. They ate dinner in the kitchen, which they hadn't done for years.

About an hour later, Adam groggily lifted his head. The table was still set for his dinner but he could see that the other plates and utensils were gone. He turned around to find his family seated in the great room. Ben was reading a newspaper, Joe was reading a short novel, and Hoss was whittling. Hoss saw Adam stir.

"Hop Sing saved dinner for you. We ate already."

Yawning, Adam was about to go to the kitchen to get a plate from the warmer, but Hop Sing brought it to him. He had been listening for a sign that Adam was awake and had heard Hoss' statement. Adam thanked him, ate his dinner, and then bid everyone good night. As he passed his father who was sitting in his red leather chair, Adam paused and put his hand on his father's shoulder.

"Good night, Adam."

"Good night, Pa."

Such simple words but they carried a lot of meaning. Adam had accepted that his father had told him the truth. He trusted his father again even if all the memories weren't back yet. His family watched Adam slowly climb the stairs and turn down the hallway at the top.

"Is he going to get any better? He seems to sleep all the time."

"Little Joe, Doctor Martin warned us that might happen. Adam has so much to do to recover, and he doesn't sleep well at night."

"Why not, Pa? I been wondering that myself. He seems tired enough when he goes upstairs just like he did now."

"He's told Paul about it now that he can talk again. He has bad dreams, Hoss. He finds it difficult to stay asleep. He's in bed a long time, but he's often awake too."

"So those naps he takes are important?"

"Very important. That's why I don't want him out working with the herds or the fences yet. He wouldn't get an opportunity to rest, and I'm afraid if he got too tired, he could make a serious mistake. I don't want him hurt just when he's recovering."

The next day was Saturday, and everyone was getting tired. Hoss and Adam worked at expanding the corral next to the stable and dividing it in to two as well. By the end of the day, they hoped to be finished but Adam ended up napping that afternoon which suited Hoss just fine. All the posts were set so he only had to secure all the crosspieces. He thought Adam would help with the new gate when he woke up. He was busy hammering away when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"What do you want me to do?"

Little Joe had returned early from the work his father had sent him to do. Hoss was happy for the help and had him put the hinges on the gate. When he was done with that, he and Hoss lifted the gate into position and were going to secure the hinges to the post when Adam called out for them to stop.

Slowly, Adam explained that the hinges should go on the outside of the gate so that it could be opened and pulled back against the fence. "If you do it that way, it opens to the inside but because of the post, it only will open about half way. It's more likely to be damaged at some point if you do that."

"Well we could just put the hinges further to the inside."

"Little Joe, that won't work."

"Well you don't know everything. I just spent a half hour putting those hinges on the gate while you were sleeping on the porch. I don't want to do it all over again."

"You don't have to."

"Oh, and I suppose that's because you'll do it. You're the same as you always were. Always bossing people around and sticking your nose into other people's business. We were doing this just fine without you."

"Little Joe, now you just hush up. Adam and me set the posts for this fence, and he set this here post the way he thought it should be for the gate. I didn't know how he wanted it so I was just gonna do it the way the other one is done. That don't make it right or wrong." Hoss could see that Little Joe was seething. His temper lit up like kindling with a match. "Now you settle down."

"Why? He's been home all this time and everybody is still acting like he's sick or something. He's fine. He just likes all the attention he's been getting."

Hoss saw that Adam had dropped his head and had a hand to his forehead. He assumed that more memories were coming back and probably were the unpleasant ones having to do with Little Joe and the contentious relationship he tended to have with his oldest brother. Little Joe stood there breathing hard after his complaints, and Adam looked up to see him before turning his attention to his big brother. "Just turn it upside down and the hinges will be in the correct position to attach them to the outside of the post. It's what I was going to say before some little gnat began buzzing around making a lot of noise." With that, Adam turned and walked to the house.

"I am not a gnat!"

"Little Joe, shut your mouth. You done said a whole lot more than you should have already. Gnat is not the word I would have used if you had talked to me like that."

"Well, I'm tired of all of this."

"You're tired of all this? How would you feel if you were the one going through it instead of getting to watch it happen? Seems to me, you told me when we thought Adam was dead that you were gonna think about what you said and did afore ya did it. Seems to me, that promise of yours didn't last long. How do you think it makes Adam feel when you criticize what's going on with him like it ain't real. He's been suffering." Seeing Little Joe's look of disbelief, Hoss shook his head. "You ain't been paying very good attention if you can't see how hard this is for him. Only it might have just gotten worse for you. I think he just remembered a lot more about you. I'm wondering if he remembered just why he was at Annabelle's house that night?"

"You think he remembered those two letters I wrote?"

"Maybe. I don't know if he remembers you saying you was sorry."

"Hoss, what if he doesn't remember forgiving me? He could get awful mad at me."

"He could. Now all this talk ain't getting this fence finished, and I got plans for tonight, so lift up your end so I can prop it up, and we'll get these hinges done."

"What kinda plans you got for tonight?"

"I ain't been to town for a Saturday night in a long time. I was thinking that Adam and me could go to town tonight and have a little fun."

"I don't suppose I get to go along?"

"Sure, you can go along." Hoss smiled then as Little Joe perked up. "Soon as you're eighteen, you can join us men for a night on the town." That elicited a frown but no more talk. Later Ben was concerned about what Hoss had planned.

"Hoss, he still has problems talking sometimes, and what if being there stirs up some unpleasant memories?"

"Pa, I'll be with him, and he has to go to town sooner or later. We'll just have a couple of beers and shoot the breeze with the other men. It'll be fine." He saw the look of concern that lingered on his father's face. "How about if I tell you we'll take a room in town so he can get some rest ifn he needs it."

"And you won't make it a late night?"

"Pa, Adam may be having some troubles yet, but he's still a man. He can tell me when he wants to head to the room."

"All right, but be careful." Ben was very concerned about Adam's continuing difficulties with his speech especially when he talked with anyone other than family or Doctor Martin. He was a man who relied on his voice a lot. He used quips and cleverness often to extricate himself from trouble. What would he do when that wasn't available to him? He would have to trust Hoss to be there to back Adam up if there was any kind of trouble.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Pa, it wasn't Adam's fault. He was singing Sweet Betsy From Pike, and this man in there named Ike thought he was making fun of him. He had never heard the song before. Can you imagine that? I thought everybody knew that song."

"So Adam got in a fight with that man named Ike and that's why he ended up in jail?"

"Now, Pa, we weren't exactly in jail."

"Call it what you will. Roy made you stay there until I arrived at church and had to go to the sheriff's office to pay your fines. So at least I deserve an explanation."

"No, the two of them got to be good friends. Adam asked him what name he should use that rhymed with pike and he couldn't think of one so Adam made it Sweet Betsy From Lake and rhymed it with Jake. Well there was a Jake there, and he asked why it had to be him, so we kept changing the words until we used the name of every man in the place. Well except Cosmo cause we couldn't think of a place that rhymed with that."

"Why didn't Adam just change the name to Mike?"

"Dadburnit, that's just what Adam said when we were sitting in our room this morning. He said his memory problems were at fault or it was the beer. I didn't think of that either and neither did anybody in the saloon, so I think maybe it was the beer."

"You still haven't explained why Adam started a fight?"

"Oh, you noticed that. Well Suzy is kinda sweet on ole Adam, you know. She said that she thought Adam was a hoot with the singing and all, and she wanted him to ah, well, you know, ah, spend some time with her, private like." With Little Joe standing behind their father, Hoss was reluctant to be specific.

"Yes, go on. I understand."

"Well this guy in there thought Adam shouldn't be taking Suzy away from the place when there were so many men there and so few gals, so he told Adam not to do that only he said it in a nasty way."

"What kind of nasty way?"

"He said Adam was the dummy of the Ponderosa. He said Adam's brain was addled, and he ought to be locked up to keep him away from women and other decent folk. Well Adam got pretty steamed about that, and then the man went over the line when he said Adam didn't have, ah, well, you know, what makes you a man."

"Yes, go on. I know what you mean."

"Pa, Adam still packs quite a wallop. He hit that man and lifted him clear off his feet. It woulda all been over then, except this cowboy had some friends there, and they thought they ought to get even for him, and they was thinking Adam was by his lonesome cause we don't really look like brothers at all. So they jumped Adam, and of course, I had to step in, and Ike helped out too, and that's when Roy got there and asked who threw the first punch. Adam stood up and said, 'I cannot tell a lie.' Then he started in on laughing and told Roy he did it. I told Roy why he done it, but Roy wasn't happy at all. He told me to take Adam and go home, and I said we couldn't. We had a room at the hotel. So he said we should go there and stay there. And we did. Pa, Adam's up there sleeping again. He sure does toss and turn at night, Pa."

Ben sat down in one of the chairs in the hotel lobby dropping his head into his hands as he rested his elbows on his knees. He had no idea how to handle this situation. Adam was obviously getting better, and if he had been completely recovered, he and Hoss would have come home with their father being none the wiser unless they happened to be sporting any bruises on their faces or had skinned knuckles. Little Joe was standing there taking all of this in too, and Ben was glad that Hoss had been a little circumspect in his explanation. At least there was less to explain to Little Joe that way, but his brothers had been in a saloon fight, and that was not setting a good example. They went into the restaurant to order some lunch and wait for Adam to get up. It didn't take long. Without Hoss' snores keeping him awake, he had slept well and soundly for a couple of hours. He came down about the time their food was served and sat with them.

"I suppose Hoss told you what happened?"

"Yes, and we can consider the episode closed. I just hope that the next time you're in an altercation in a saloon, you will find a better way to settle it than with your fists."

"I can try, Pa." But the slight smile said he didn't mean those words. Hoss had said it needed to be done, and Adam had agreed with him. A lot of the rumors and stories about him that were circulating in town would stop after people heard what had happened the previous night.

Unwilling to discuss that issue any further in such a public setting, Ben changed the subject. "Well, you have demonstrated that you can sing. Have you tried your guitar to see if you can remember how to play?"

"Not yet. It's a struggle to read yet. Sometimes the words kind of squirm and move around and are a bit fuzzy unless I concentrate very hard and squint a little."

"Have you told Paul that?"

"Yes, and he said if it doesn't clear up, he may get me some glasses for reading. It's possible that the high fever affected my eyes a little." Looking at his father and seeing how concerned he was, Adam changed back to the previous subject. "I'll try the guitar soon. I promise."

Over the next month, Adam's memories returned slowly. There were probably some missing memories, but he wouldn't know what they were until someone mentioned something or he saw something that could remind him of still forgotten events and people. The first time Little Joe saw Adam slip on glasses to read, he was going to say something. Ben saw the look in his youngest son's eyes, and gave him one of those fierce Pa looks he had with the mouth set in a grim line, the eyebrows bunched under a furrowed brow, and two dark eyes that resembled nothing less than facing a pair of Colt .44 pistols at point blank range. Joe said nothing.

There were other times though when Ben was not around that Joe's mouth worked overtime in criticizing Adam and irritating him a great deal. Adam remembered Little Joe's penchant for impulsive behavior as well as his hair trigger temper that could get set off with a look or a comment that Little Joe interpreted as negative or hostile even when they weren't. He had declared that he was just Joe, and that he didn't want them using Little in front of it, but a habit of nearly fourteen years was hard to break. For some reason, every time Adam said it, Little Joe found it more irritating than when his father or Hoss did. Ben and Hoss noticed but could not understand why that was so. Ben finally talked to Adam about it to see if he had any idea why Little Joe seemed so angry with him so often.

"Do you think it's because he's still carrying around some guilt for the things he did that led me to be accused of murder?"

"You forgave him originally and again when you remembered. Do you think he didn't accept your forgiveness? Perhaps he thinks it wasn't sincere."

"I can't speak to that. I do know that he seems especially prickly around me."

"Yes, he does seem to be, but I feel I can't monitor every word he says or take him to task for irritating you."

"No, I suppose you can't. It would be a full-time job anyway with the way he's been lately."

"Although I can give him a few pointed reminders to be respectful or face the consequences. I can also make sure he has enough work to do so that he doesn't have time to think up any more complaints. Perhaps time is what he needs to come to terms with things. I can try to set up the work schedule so that the two of you aren't working together and butting heads."

"Fine with me. I'd like to get back to working with the hands like I did before without having to have a member of the family with me to watch over me."

"Now, Adam, we haven't been doing that." Adam's arched brow was all Ben needed to smile about what he had said. "All right, maybe we were being a little overprotective, but you have to know that we missed you terribly when we thought you were lost. Adam, I never want you to leave. I know you talk about traveling and such, and I've always dismissed the idea, but I have to tell you that if leaving to do some traveling is what it will take to keep you coming back here to stay, then I won't stand in your way. I felt like part of me was torn away when I thought I had lost you. You've been with me over half of my life. I couldn't bear to spend the rest of my life without you."

"You really wouldn't mind me leaving to do some traveling?"

"Now don't say it like I won't miss you, but if doing some traveling will help you want to live here and keep this as your home, then I will accept that. I know that travel isn't easy. I know it is time consuming, and you'll likely be gone a year or two if you decide to do it."

"I was away at school longer than that."

"But it was different. You never intended to stay away, and I knew you were safe there in your grandfather's company. I could count the days and months until you were coming home. Now I worry that if you leave, you won't want to come back or that something could happen to you when you were a long way from home."

"Pa, I'll always come back no matter what. This is my home, and this is where my family lives. I couldn't stay away."

"You had already made up your mind to leave at some point, didn't you?"

"Not entirely, but I knew that I would have to give in to that wanderlust eventually or it would eat at me. I can't seem to find a woman to love and marry. There's nothing like that holding me close. I will travel, but not until Little Joe is a man and can help with the ranch. Then I will think seriously if I still want to travel."

"And if you met a woman you could love in that time?"

"It's not likely, but then I would have to take her thoughts and concerns into consideration too. If she wanted to travel, then we could both go, but if I had a family of my own, I might be less inclined to look elsewhere for fulfillment in my life."

"I wish you didn't have such a cynical attitude about finding a woman to love."

"Oh, that isn't it. I could find any number of women to love. It's that I think it's not likely that I will find a woman to love me."

"You're only twenty-five. There's lot's of time yet. There aren't that many women here, but certainly any number of them would be very attracted to you."

"I've been remembering, Pa. There was Mercy who tried to manipulate me. Then there's Annabelle who was crazy. I would like to meet an intelligent, creative, and well adjusted woman who would like to be with me, but I just don't see that happening."

"Once you're recovered from this ordeal, and we get that drive done, we'll have a party. We'll invite all sorts of people. Perhaps there will be one special woman in that mix."

Smiling gently, Adam nodded. He would agree with his father's plans even if he thought it was futile to try to find a woman in the area who would fit his criteria and be attracted to him. Somehow he had the impression that the woman for him was out there far from his home and perhaps well into the future. He hadn't given up hope, but he did think he might meet a woman such as that when he traveled away from Virginia City.

As Adam adjusted to his returning memories, Ben worried about him. Adam wore black a lot, and often looked far more serious and somber than he had before his ordeal. Adam had developed an intimidating look that made even Ben feel uncomfortable when it was directed at him. Little Joe was the only one who seemed not to care when Adam gave him one of those fierce looks, but Hoss had warned Little Joe that he was playing with fire by continuing his complaints to Adam especially when he was getting that look. It all came to a head when Gerard Jenks killed himself. He was facing charges for lying under oath and hiding evidence that led to Adam being charged with the murder of Annabelle when it had been a suicide. Little Joe heard the news from friends of his in town including the son of Darwin Lee who had been the one who shot Adam.

When Little Joe got home with Hop Sing after their trip to town for supplies, he was in a surly mood. Adam and Hoss rode in together, laughing and talking. Little Joe thought that it should have been him riding with Hoss and having that fun, but their father had assigned Little Joe to do all the chores including chopping firewood and making repairs while Hoss and Adam completed the roundup. Ben helped with the roundup when he could but was mostly taking care of all the paperwork and such which needed to be done to prepare for the drive. So on a very hot, sunny day, Little Joe had to take the long wagon ride to town for supplies, then take the ride back, and finally unload all the supplies. As Adam and Hoss walked to the house after taking care of their horses, Little Joe was taking the last of the supplies from the wagon.

"I heard Gerard Jenks killed himself. Darwin Lee is saying that's your fault too."

Adam stopped in his tracks and glared at Little Joe. Then taking a deep breath, he looked around the yard. Adam noticed that Hoss saw where he was looking. "You gonna stop me?"

"Not at all, older brother. Seems like a good idea to me."

"I think so. Can't hurt to try it."

Walking toward Little Joe very deliberately, Adam did get his youngest brother a bit worried. Hoss leaned up against the wagon wheel and waited.

"Now, Adam, I was just telling you what I heard in town." Adam said nothing and moved closer to Little Joe who had backed up toward the rear of the wagon. He should have run then, but anticipating and planning were not characteristics he had. "Now, you know Pa would get awful mad if you hit me." Adam stepped up very close to Little Joe. "I have to get these supplies put away. Pa wants that taken care of right now. Hop Sing too. Now how about if I do that, and you and Hoss keep right on going into the house?"

"Nope." Adam reached down and grabbed his little brother throwing him over his shoulder. Little Joe did his best to try to push off, but all that hard work Adam had been doing had created some powerful muscles. Adam walked across the yard with his little brother still attempting to loosen Adam's hold on him.

"Adam, you put me down right now!"

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now!"

Ben had come outside to see why there was so much yelling. He smiled and nodded as he saw what was about to happen.

"All right. I'll put you down right now." And Adam dropped Little Joe in the horse trough jumping back so as not to get splashed. Joe sputtered and splashed and attempted to sit up. Adam moved over and shoved Little Joe's head under the water one more time for good measure. "You talk that disrespectfully to me again, and you can expect the same. Do you hear me?"

"Pa, did you see what Adam did? He dumped me in the water trough."

"Yes, I saw that. I believe Adam asked you a question too. What's your answer?"

"But Pa!"

"I believe Adam is likely to dunk you under one more time if he doesn't get an answer to his liking. Now, what's your answer?"

"I heard ya. I heard, ya." Standing then, Little Joe stepped from the water trough with water pouring from him. He sat on the edge of it and pulled off his boots. When he poured the water from them, Hoss started to laugh so hard he had to bend over. Little Joe threw a boot at him that caused him to overbalance and fall back into the water trough again.

Adam looked over at Hoss who was laughing even harder then. "You don't have to do anything to him for that one. He took care of it himself."

Ben was chuckling too. He had enjoyed Adam's creative way of dealing with his little brother's disrespect. He put his arm around Adam's shoulders and turned toward the house. Hoss collected himself well enough to follow. They left Little Joe outside to take care of himself, and he was much more respectful in everything he said to Adam and Hoss, at least for a while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

A week later, the cattle drive was about to start. It was very important to the future of the Ponderosa because they needed the cash to handle the expenses until the following spring. With Adam unable to do much for quite a while and the spring drive being cancelled, their cash flow was significantly impeded. The roundup had gone well so now they needed to get those cattle to market in good condition. Little Joe was left behind even though he was almost fourteen. His inability to maintain a respectful relationship with Adam meant that Ben didn't want him on the drive. Adam was happy that his father had made the decision. A rebellious thirteen-year-old boy had no place on a drive that was so important to the future of the ranch. Adam was ramrod and the men would have to take orders from him. It was just the type of situation that would likely have caused Little Joe to make trouble. Hoss was working with Adam so that in the future, Adam could boss drives and Hoss would be ramrod. Ben actually looked forward to the future when he wouldn't have to do these cattle drives any more. The morning that Ben and his two older sons were going to leave, Ben was sitting at his desk when Joe walked in.

"Little Joe, is there something you would like to tell me?"

"No, except your oldest son is downright ornery and unwilling to take a little teasing."

"Little Joe, Adam takes teasing quite well and gives it back just the same. Now you tend to be a bit mean in the things you say, so is that why you're in the condition you're in?"

Little Joe had water still dripping from his hair, and he was carrying his boots. He had dripped some water as he walked across the great room, but not much so at least he was being mindful of what Hop Sing would say if he made a mess. "I just said Hoss could do his job and I could take care of the remuda so he could stay home instead of me."

"The fact that you are all wet leads me to believe that you didn't use those exact words when you stated that opinion."

"You always take his side!"

"No, I take the side that seems right, and so often lately, you seem to be making bad choices in what you do and what you say. You are the reason you are not going on this drive. It's far too important for this ranch to have someone along who will act without thinking. We can't afford that kind of risk. I know you think it was Adam who pushed for you not to go, but he and I never talked about it until I decided you would not go. Understandably, he was relieved to find that I had made that decision. He has enough to handle right now without having you as a constant irritant."

"Hoss would have let me go along."

"Sorry, shortshanks, but that ain't so. I don't want to worry about what stunt you're going to pull next any more than Pa or Adam." Hoss had walked in to find what was keeping Ben so long.

"Everybody always takes his side!"

"Little brother, if you had a lick of common sense, you might wonder if maybe that ain't cause he's been right, and you've been a pain in the backside for quite some time now. Getting kinda tired of you feeling sorry for yourself cause you ain't getting all the attention round here."

"Nobody understands. Well, have a great time on the drive. I hope it rains every day."

"Joseph! It is just that kind of talk that makes people want to throw you in a horse trough. Now you get upstairs and get into some dry clothes. And while we're gone, you mind Hop Sing. I don't want to come home and have to have a necessary talk with you the first thing. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir. I'll do what I should." Except as usual, Little Joe's idea of what he should do was definitely at odds with what his father expected. He knew the herd would be moving fast. They needed to get through the mountains before there was snow. He had heard Adam and their father discussing that they would likely lose a few strays in the passes, but that would be better than going slow. Little Joe fully intended to follow the herd, collect those strays, and, in his mind at least, show up at the hero at the end of the drive with a sizeable number of strays which would bring in needed extra money.

Little Joe waited only one full day before putting his plan into action. He got some food from the smokehouse and the cellar and filled a sack with all the apples in the bowl in front of the fireplace. Then he finished the chores in the stable so that Hop Sing would not be suspicious, and told the cook he was going to spend the morning working on the corral behind the stable. Hop Sing wouldn't look for him for at least four hours. By then, he planned to be well on his way to carrying out his plan. The cattle drive wouldn't be hard to follow because of the wide trail the cattle and the drovers would leave in their wake. It only took one day for Little Joe to come across a few strays. He rounded them up and drove them ahead of him as he felt like the Roman army marching through the mountains, or at least that was how he remembered the story Adam had told him once.

That night, Little Joe camped in a small canyon on the trail using some brush to fence in the cattle so they wouldn't wander off. He was scared to be there all alone, but refused to admit to himself that he had made anther huge mistake in judgment. He built up a big campfire but still had trouble sleeping as he wondered what might happen when he was unaware. The next morning, he had his meager breakfast of a slice of ham and some apples. He had neglected to bring trail gear along so had no way to cook any of the ham. He laid it on some rocks near his fire for each meal. He didn't know how to make the contraptions he had seen Hoss and Adam use to cook meat over an open fire. He tried once but the sticks caught on fire, and his meal fell into the fire and was charred beyond being edible before he was able to get it out of the coals.

The next morning, Little Joe woke up at first light because of the noise the cattle were making. They were hungry and thirsty for the small canyon had no water in it. Little Joe had trouble controlling the five animals as they rushed from the canyon when he removed the brush. He had made a mistake by doing that on foot and was nearly trampled. He also didn't have Cochise at his side so had to retrieve him, load up his supplies, and then rush out to hunt down the cattle before they got too far away. Once that was accomplished, he pushed the cattle to follow the trail and found one lone cow that day for a total of six. He found two more the next day and then none for several days after that. Part of the reason was that the drovers with the herd were getting better at moving the cattle fast without losing any, and the other reason was that Little Joe was becoming exhausted being in the saddle from dawn to dusk as well as having trouble sleeping at night even though he was so tired. A week into his plan, he had collected only eight animals. He needed to find more if he was to prove to his family especially his oldest brother that he could do as well as any man including him. He couldn't find a secure spot for a camp so he was more scared than he had been the other nights not only of predators but also that his cattle might wander off while he was sleeping so he would have nothing to show for his efforts.

In the camp of the cattle drive, Adam was sitting with his father discussing the cattle as Hoss sipped coffee next to them. Overall, Ben was quite happy with the speed of the drive and the losses had been far less than they had anticipated. Adam told him the count showed only eight less than what they had when the drive started.

"Son, you've done an excellent job with the men. They've been working hard to follow your instructions, and we should have a very successful drive. In another two days, we should be out of the mountains, and then it will be much easier. The cattle should arrive at the market in fine shape."

"Thank you. Hoss has been helping. I don't know if anything would have worked as well without his help, but I thought we would have another week in the mountains. I thought after we passed Washoe Point, we had a week left."

Ben knew at that moment that Adam had not recovered his memory fully. "Adam, if you're going east, it's a week in the mountains after Washoe Point. We're going west. We'll be out of the mountains the day after tomorrow."

After dropping his head, Adam massaged the back of his neck. "Sorry, Pa. That's another good reason to have Hoss helping me. Some of the memories I have are a little bit mixed up. I remember now, but sometimes it seems I need a reminder to get things straight in my head."

"Do you have any other memories that seem mixed up to you?"

"I've been thinking about one in particular. Where did I live after Grandfather Stoddard died? I can't seem to remember where I lived after that happened."

"You came home a few months after he passed."

"I didn't finish school?"

"You finished. It was only a short time before you finished. You lived in his home, took care of his estate, and when you finished at the college, you came home."

Sitting and thinking for a while, Adam looked up at his father. "It makes so much sense now that you say it like that. I remembered it as being a longer period of time, and it didn't make sense to me. Now it does."

"Well, if I don't get some sleep soon, nothing is going to make sense to me tomorrow either. Good night, boys. I'm turning in."

After bidding their father good night, Adam and Hoss finished their coffee, made sure that all the men knew the schedule for that night, and then both turned in as well. As the first light of dawn began to make the sky a bit lighter, Adam was up. It was his morning to make a circuit of the herd in preparation for that day. The cook was always the first one up, so he grabbed a cup of coffee and drank it down with a little water added to cool it enough. Then he went to get his horse saddled for the day. Sport pushed his nose up against Adam's shoulder as he passed the remuda line.

"Not today, boy. You worked pretty hard yesterday. You get the morning off."

After saddling his horse, Adam mounted up and headed west. He planned to make sure the men who would lead them out would have no problems getting started. He rode east after making the turn, and he was nearly at the end of the herd when shots rang out in the pass echoing off the granite walls and sounding like thunder. The cattle were immediately agitated and moving around, and when another shot came, they took off. Adam heard the cries of stampede as he rode to the end of the herd trying to turn them so they wouldn't run back the way they had come. Riding as hard as his mount would go, he managed to get ahead of the herd and was about to move some of them to the side to slow the advance of the others when he saw Little Joe on foot up ahead. Giving up any concern for the cattle, he kicked his mount to move faster and got to Little Joe before he could be trampled. Adam reached down in desperation and grabbed him by the jacket pulling him up and over his pommel. That slowed him enough that they were soon in the midst of the stampeding herd. After several cattle banged into them hard, Adam was able to get to the side and then turn into a small canyon as the herd raced by.

"What the hell are you doing here? Did you fire those shots? Damn, of course you did. There was no one else out this way." With Little Joe laid over his saddle horn, Adam took the opportunity to lay several hard swats on his behind.

"Let me down. I didn't do anything wrong. I had to protect myself. You had no right to do that." Little Joe had seen wolves and fired on them. When they didn't immediately run, he had fired one more time.

"You're riding back to camp with me just this way. I'll drop you at Pa's feet and let him deal with you."

With the pommel digging into his belly and the swats to his behind, Little Joe was decidedly uncomfortable. "Let me down. I need to find Cochise." When Adam refused to do that, he kicked him in the leg. That brought a groan from Adam and another couple of swats once he recovered from the kick. Riding back to camp, Adam saw one of the drovers heading in the same direction.

"Did you stop them?"

"Yeah, but Whitey got hurt real bad. I'm going back to get some blankets. Got some cattle with broken legs too. Gonna have to shoot em as soon as we can get the rest of the herd away from em."

"Damn. This is really gonna hurt." Little Joe tried to use the lull in Adam's attention to slide from the saddle. It didn't work, and Adam swatted him a few more times. Little Joe gave up his fight then as Adam was nearing the camp anyway. Ben was there waiting for word. He was shocked to see Little Joe slung over Adam's saddle. Adam pretty much shoved him to the ground, and Little Joe landed hard on his behind. Ben was there immediately asking where he was hurt.

"I ain't hurt. Except Adam spanked me, Pa."

"Then why is there blood on your pants?"

"It's not his." Adam leaned forward across his horse's neck and dragged his right leg over the horse. He had blood on his pants from the knee down, and there was a tear in the fabric right below the knee. "I grabbed him before he could be trampled but that put me right in the middle of the stampede. We had a few collisions, and during one of them, my leg got gored. I don't think it's too bad." Except it was clear he couldn't put weight on it. Ben moved to Adam's side and offered his shoulder to his son helping him over to the chuckwagon where he helped him sit down and lean up against the wagon wheel.

The cook had left to go help Whitey, so Ben rummaged in the wagon to get what he needed before moving back to take care of Adam's leg. Little Joe realized it was the leg he had kicked when trying to get off the horse. He wanted to help but had made such a mess of things that he decided for a change that remaining silent and staying still were the best things to do. Luckily for Adam, his wound was mostly a puncture wound with no tearing of muscles or ligaments. It would be painful and would have to be watched for signs of infection, but wouldn't even leave much of a scar once healed. Ben was wrapping a bandage tightly around the leg when a very somber group rode into camp led by Hoss who had Cochise on a lead rope.

"Whitey's on his way to that little town up ahead. The men will be back by the end of the day. We lost three cows, but we got the herd settled down. We'll be eating lots of beef the next few days. The cook and some men are bringing the meat in. They'll cook up a bunch of it today."

Next up was Little Joe who explained what he had done and why.

Adam made a pointed comment. "Perhaps the way to respect is the opposite of what you do. Have you thought about doing what you're told to do? Respecting others is a much better way of earning respect than ignoring orders and doing what you damn well please."

"Adam, I'll handle this. Little Joe, you will ride in the wagon with the cook and be his assistant for the rest of the drive."

"What about Cochise?"

"Cochise will be in the remuda for use by the hands as necessary. You will follow all orders without questions. I can see the look. This is no one's fault but yours." Little Joe hung his head because he knew it was true.

The rest of the drive proceeded without incident. The profit margin was good enough that financial concerns were resolved. That night in town, Ben and Hoss went to a saloon to buy a round for the drovers, pay off those who wouldn't be returning to the ranch, and give the others their pay and a bonus. Adam was tired and wanted to rest, so he stayed in the room with Little Joe allowing his father and brother to get to enjoy their free time. Adam lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. Little Joe moved over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, Adam, can I ask you a question?"

"I think you just did."

"No, I mean a real question. Will you and Pa and Hoss ever forgive me for what I did?"

"We'll forgive you. We always do."

"But you won't forget, will you?"

"Nope."

"So that's how it is with those letters I wrote to Annabelle that made so much trouble. You did forgive me, but you won't ever forget what I did."

"That's right. What a person does shows you what kind of person they are. It doesn't matter much what someone says. You have to watch them to see what they do. That's what shows their true character."

"So the stuff I do lets everyone know I'm still just a kid even though I'm trying to show them I'm a man?"

Sitting up and looking directly at Little Joe, Adam was dead serious. "You have to remember one thing you seem to constantly forget. You are not a man. You haven't even reached your fourteenth birthday. Yet you should be old enough to trust with simple things, but one of us had to stay here with you tonight so you wouldn't sneak out. Do you know what that says about your character?"

"But I heard all the stories about you and what you were doing by my age. Hoss did almost as much."

"We grew up faster. We were working at a much younger age, and Pa needed us to do it. You never had to live like that. Consider yourself lucky that you got to be a child and have fun. I do envy you that. I wish I had been able to have that kind of fun."

"You remember all of that now?" Suddenly Little Joe looked surprised when the whole of the conversation hit him. "You envy me?"

"Yes, my memories have returned although a few of them seem to be out of order. Little Joe, we all have things that have been wonderful and some that are not. Of course I wish I could have had the fun you've had, but then I wouldn't be the person I am. If you had lived my life, you wouldn't be the person you are. We each are different, and we see things others have that we wish we could have. It won't happen. Learn to live your life your way, and stop trying to manipulate others into doing things the way you want them to go."

"Just be me?"

"Yes, your fun loving, high spirited self without all the scheming would be nice."

"I'll try, Adam, I really will."

"Good, now I am tired and I would like to sleep."

"You don't want to play a game of chess first?"

"Chess?"

"I saw a chess board set up in the lobby for anyone to use."

Adam didn't have to think about that for long. He sat up and pulled on his boots as Little Joe grinned. When Ben and Hoss returned hours later, they found the two brothers in another chess match. Adam had won them all of course so Little Joe kept asking for one more match hoping that his brother would get tired enough to make mistakes without thinking about the fact that he was getting more tired too and making more mistakes. Ben and Hoss smiled and went up to bed. It was a good memory with which to fall asleep.

On the trail home, the family worked through their differences especially in regards to Little Joe. Early one morning only a day's ride from home, Adam had his mirror propped on a low tree branch next to a stream and was shaving. Hoss leaned over to look in the small pool that was there.

"Don't hardly need a mirror. You coulda just looked in the pond here to shave."

In his mirror, Adam saw Little Joe trying to stealthily move up behind Hoss who was still bent over next to the pond. Watching carefully, Adam got ready. When he saw Little Joe get ready to pounce, he reached out grabbing Hoss' arm and pulling him to the side.

"Hey, what the heck!" But any further complaints from Hoss were silenced by the loud splash Little Joe made as he fell into the pond. Unable to stop his momentum and with nothing there to grab, he had sailed face first into the pond. He slowly stood up and turned to his two brothers who were laughing uproariously.

"Who's gonna help me out of here?"

"Nobody, little brother. Big brother here knows better and so do I."

"Sure, Adam, that you remember. It was just that once I pushed you into the water. You've done it to me a lot of times since then."

"Now Little Joe, ya just gotta remember that. Older brother don't just get even. He gets ahead."

By that time, their father was there wondering what happened and why Little Joe had been dunked in the pond.

"Pa, he had a bad idea, and then he punished himself for it. Hoss and I never touched him. He dunked himself."

"I'm sure there's more to that story, but I can wait. If I remember correctly, one of you will be bursting with wanting to tell me the whole story sooner or later."

"Yes, it's another great memory, Pa!"

The End.


End file.
